Saturday, December 30, 2006

What will come

It's looming- the new year. Contemplating, worrying, planning, figuring. I'm in a funk. Hormonal, maybe. Will the Crown or Merlot fix this? I ask myself can I go and have a good time or am I going to be a stick in the mud and not have anything fun to add to the evenings?

My children are gone for the weekend with their dad. I've taken a day and evening to myself and it has yet to make a diff in my mood. I might be more depressed than I was. So I will get myself together and go where I'm suppose to go and see if that will kick me in the pants.

I hope your New Year's eveing will be good in the ways you want. A wish from me for a positive experience.


Friday, December 29, 2006

I had to post it

***You're a Freaky Kisser***
When you kiss, you want to experience something newA new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictableThere's no saying where your tongue or hands will go
What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Thursday, December 28, 2006


A few pics from our stay-
Marsha, the adopted greyhound trying on her sweatshirt..
After the dinner bell had rung...
Audrey, my grand niece.
Maw and Paw
Our clan

It was a really fine holiday and visit. 22 relatives plus canines in all.

Hope you all have your New Year's resolution in mind. I don't do 'em. Too much pressure.

Construction Girl, better known as AMKingsfield has posted her fav gift from the day. I'll be getting around to that after I dig out my stuff from the trunk. I hate unpacking after a trip like this.
Hope everyone survived and here's wishing you a fantastic New Year!

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Peace and Love and all that Jazz...

Preparing to travel to my parents for our Christmas visit today. Children, Bailey's and gifts in-tow. Regret to be leaving my warm secure home for chaos but the good kind, I suppose. Chaos, that is.

I am wishing for each and every one of you that reads this love and peace to you and yours this Christmas and in the coming year. ( I feel like breaking into song- "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony...". K, that's all of that.

I'll be back this coming week along about Wednesday.
Then we will all list the gifts that really "did it " for us, k?


Thursday, December 21, 2006

A thought for my day

I was reading a new blog today where visitors were asked how they got to it and what they were afraid of today.
I didn't comment but awhile ago I was thinking about what I was afraid of. I'd have to say it would be my kids growing up unhappy, insecure individuals. Obviously, to teach them to be happy would mean mostly to teach them to love themselves before they try to love anyone else. Now if I could only teach myself that...

I have never felt like I was really loved by anyone or even enjoyed by anyone because I have never really liked myself let alone loved myself. It's been a huge problem my whole life. A nasty, glaring mental block. I have not been my own best friend which is what I tell my children they have to be for themselves. They have to love themselves.

Wildman has come closer than anyone to make me feel real love from someone. He just keeps it up, doing his best to convince me. I have an better understanding of why I have been so reluctant to give over to him fully and really allow him into my heart. I don't believe in myself enough or love myself enough for a relationship to seem possible. I am working towards it, though and only now since I've gotten older do I feel like I have merit. Isn't that a shame? I hate myself for it.


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Twas the day before break...

Last week my son's band and choir concert was held. It was my son's first band concert. He was so jazzed and nervous. I was hoping the music bug would get him and it has!
My daughter filmed it with her mini dv. The battery was getting low so when the band finished playing, she shut it off while the cub choir(15 3rd - 5th graders) sang. The entire 5th grade was going to sing after that. Lucky for us she had it off since a 3rd grader blew chunks all over the risers and surrounding singers during their first song. I was amazed by the neighboring singers because they just moved over a bit, grimaced slightly all the while continuing to sing! Then the principal and 3 other helpers came out and in one smooth moved had it cleared up for the 5th graders. Funny -there was avoidance of "the spot" and a lingering aroma in the gym even the wassail didn't cover up.

Last night was my daughter's choir and band concert. In the past , I have been dismayed when the choir sings since they are perpetually lousy, but it was a good night. I even had goosebumps from" Carol of the Bells". The band played carols for the crowd sing-a -long which sounded very nice and then played their selections, ending with "A Charlie Brown Medley". LOVED it! I am so happy to be a parent of band members. I know its geeky.

Today is half a day at school with parties and no normal routine. That means I can read the paper(done), write slightly interesting and/or amusing but useless posts(done), and unwrap my gifts from the friends and people who use my services so freely in their rooms (done, I think). I already distributed my gifts earlier in the week so there is nothing else to do but sit and wait for the bell...
I would be much more useful at home where the tree still stands with nothing on it, nothing is baked, nothing is wrapped, and I mean NOTHING. And I still have shopping to do. Just some.

Serenity NOW!

AAAHHhhhhh, that's better.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

It's really fascinating to me that one year ago my daughter, E, was in 8th grade. She wanted a cell phone(many classmates had them), an MP3 player, music download cards and clothes. The MP3 player she got but the phone, no. It wasn't something she had a big use for, in my opinion.
She still wanted the phone this year ( it's not the kind of thing that goes away) and she is just one year older but why does she seem SO much older. Is it all in my head?
E got her cell phone, complete with a plan and payment made by her dad's ma and pa. Part of me is happy because she actually needed one this year being in school activities and now being out with friends and having a boyfriend. That tying up the house line is a constant source of irritation, too. And I hate for her to have to borrow a phone to call me.
However it is another place she will need supervision. I'm up for that, but I hope, as I've said before, I am able to make the right moves. AND.. make sure she adheres to the phone plan so poor Nanny and Papaw won't be up a creek if she were to go hog wild. Know what I mean?
Boy, is her brother is envious.
Maybe the ninja throwing stars and throwing board will distract him.

Monday, December 18, 2006

No alcohol was involved in the filming of the weekend activities.
Wildman's cousin and his wife met us for a weekend of fun and shopping. I didn't finish but at least I bought our Christmas tree. I got it in the stand and up in our living room.
Good times...

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I won't give up without a fight...

I can't comment on anyone's blog. I have plenty of pithy comments, too!

Do I HAVE to switch to beta to meet up again? I hope not. I haven't even figured out all of the regular Blogger stuff to move up.

Just know I am lurking.
Scary, huh?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Over the Abby Line

I can always tell when I'm PMS-ing when I can't stand being around this certain co-worker of mine. I call it "hitting my Abby Line". She is irritating in everyday life anyway but I was gritting my teeth today whenever she was around. That's my sign.
Sorry guys, I know. TMI.
I just read this post again and realized my huge portion of mistakes. I was really tired when I wrote it and didn't spell check. DUH..

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Out early today since a water main broke that was a water supply to the school. So here I am toasting the pecan orders (still have 19 orders left) among other things.
We just got back into school last week midway. At least this will not be counted against us as a missed day. But it sure is like spinning our wheels when we get behind. Kids don't settle back down fast enough for my liking.
Otis, I looked back at one of my earliest posts and saw your old "Otis" version on your comment and found myself rather meloncholy. Hope your new version is working for you well.

Ok, I stole this from I feel so dirty.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Dating ?

About the dating age of my daughter- It's young, I know. She is not actually out on a date with only the guy. I have them come here to our house or they go to his house where mom and dad are stationed and not willing to have them alone in his room even. They participate in school group activities. They haven't even been out with a group to bowl or see a movie yet.
I am not naive enough to think they could find a way to be alone if they chose to. Having talked with the mom of said boyfriend (let's call him Slim) recently, I have found they are very closely monitoring his time with my daughter. I like the sound of that. It is the same around here. No going in the bedroom or too private a set-up for them. But as I have mentioned in some comments, they both seek out either his family or my family to hang with.
Anyway, I am certainly wary of it but having dated so rarely in H.S. and coming up short on relationship experience and fun from it, I am happy E is getting some experience. She has told me she is so self-conscious about her body she can't imagine it being any fun to get nekkid. 'Course, there is always what Slim wants and will that take precedent over her feelings?...I've had some pretty open discussions with her about my past (" O, Sweet Jesus! " was one thing she said) and it made an impact. How much of one is questionable. Depends on how horny she might get, I suppose. Ick>.. I just want to proceed slowly.

I was allowed to date when I turned sixteen. They sure didn't knock down my door to get at me. Lonely, lonely. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was nineteen. And my first "experience" which was lovely.
What was the required age for dating for you all? Was it good for you or bad? Much experience?
I feel sometimes like I don't have the brain power to actually have all the relationships and duties I have. I can't remember everything I really need to. I mean the real basic stuff.
Both my kids played and kicked back all Saturday. Sunday we spent working at a Masonic lodge dinner for area seniors after which we all went shopping. Then to Wildman's house for a visit. Home and in bed by 10. Neither one paracticed their instruments or did any reading for their respective assignments. Where was I during all this? In my own little world of making and doing. I realize they are old enough to remember their assignments but I am their mother and obligated to remind and co-erce? and otherwise prod them in the right direction. I didn't even think about it. NOw they are stressed and I'll end up paying the price trying to make it easy on them to get it done by waiving the chores and stuff. Ik, Ik, I am an enabler. I am not going to do it this time.
I just feel overwhelmed. I know everyone does. I just would like a handle on the situation.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

It worked!

Anne, it worked!!!!!!

Musical Interlude

Last night Wildman brought down his newest musical purchase. "Paul McCartney- The Space Within US", the concert film. Oh, my god!
I have always loved him more for the Wings era than for Beatles songs. But after viewing this dvd I want to marry him, have his baby, be his roadie, be his driver, get his coffee...anything!!!! It was a tremendous film. I knew he was a great person- smart, warm, talented beyond belief. This just gave more depth to that knowledge. The film showed fans of all ages singing their hearts out, interviews with Paul and other people, plus the kick-ass music and singing by Sir Paul and his band and the effort the filmmakers paid off. I am not easily led to tears but this did it. I highly recommend this purchase. Wildman and I hope to sell an organ or two so we can buy tickets to one of his concerts.

As I sit here this morning, I am bathed in music and videos from another musical genius and all-around gorgeous person- John Mayer. His new album "Continuum" is on my Christmas wish list and I can say that if Santa doesn't come thru, I'll be getting it myself.
I bought the album "Any Given Thursday" Live the summer of my divorce and spent MANY hours listening and healing. "It saved my life" she said dramatically. It still is my favorite CD.

My daughter is marching with the band tonight for our Christmas parade. Cold, Cold, Cold! My son will be with me this year. He wasn't that jazzed about seeing it. I can see his father coming out in him. Dad hates anything like that. Christmas light displays, Santa, parades...bah humbug.
I would miss anything else to go to a parade. I'm just that weird. Oh, well maybe he'll have a good time with me after all.

Everyone, have a good weekend.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

My blogger name is greeny which not only refers to my love of plants and nature but my ability to correctly read and use this site to post my stuff, as well as learning how to reveal what I am really thinking.
I'm just saying...
Gosh, it's freaky. My daughter has her boyfriend over for a while before his basketball game tonight. He seems to fit in here well. And he seems to treat her well. Very important.
It's freaky for obvious reasons. She's my daughter and I'm watching her go into this amazing part of her life. She is twice the girl I was in many ways.
But, she is 14. He is 17. I am NOT allowing dating, only chaperoned activities, with me as chaperone. They actually are a pretty good fit with conversations and humor measuring up similarly.
I just had a look into the future and it scared me shitless.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

More of Today...

I'd like to think I can put a positive spin on my life from now on but I'm a realist. No one can be happy and upbeat all the time. After glancing at all my post titles in a row, I realized they all were negative. I need to do something. So here goes nothing.
I just got a call that school is in tomorrow. Hoo-RAY!....Was that better?
Anne, I beg you to enlightened me for I am lost as to what you meant for me to do to fix my paragraph prob. I tried something today which is really why my posts kept getting lost. It wasn't the right thing obviously if you take a look at my earlier post. On the posts you mentioned I was trying to allow room for a photo or two as well. If you succeed in helping me, those pecans you mentioned are yours.
My mother's visit was really a good one. I have to say I wasn't looking forward to it. But we had meaningful conversations on many subject, especially about the life she is having and will have after my father goes into a care facility. I was fairly realistic and I didn't show many feeling about it. I can't go there yet but I can empathize and understand greatly what my mother is going through on a daily basis. I'm not there as much as I need to be (guilt) and I wish I had a way to help more. I've avoided going like I should (guilt) and feel badly over the fact my sibs take up the slack. But that has to change.
My father has a younger brother who just can't bring himself to visit with Daddy or see him. It just makes him too sad so he avoids it. We all think it's a crock of pooh. He has always been selfish and has never done anything good for anyone. Daddy's older brother, Sonny has been taking him to church on Sunday, which Daddy loves, and had over the last couple of years taken him to work on the grounds of the family cemetery and similar jaunts. Sonny treated him just like he needed to be treated and it wasn't that hard. My mother appreciated the time to herself. The rest of the immediate family does whatever is needed. So until I act better than this uncle of mine, I have no place to gripe about him and I sure can't tell him what I think of him like I almost did at Thanksgiving.
Lorraine, the book you mentioned looks right up my alley. Thanks.
Happy happy, joy, joy. I feel happy.

A little now, a little later...If you're lucky

Still we are out of school! The rural road never clear since they are shaded quite heavily by trees not to mention quite curvey and hilly. I have to say I am enjoying being out since I am catching up on all my little jobs. Pecans have been worked on. House cleaning jobs have been undertaken. You know, the ones that get left forever. The kids have done all homework and practiced their music. They have met up with friends and sledded, watched movies and kicked back nicely.

My mother came for a planned visit over the weekend to shop which we ssuccessfully achieved even with the uncleared, extremely slick parking lots. She brought the supply of pecans I am going to prepare for my customers at school. We had gathered a couple bushels over Thanksgiving weekend which she had taken here to have cracked. While she was there she found the pecan variety was not the Stuart we had thought we were growing all these years but a grafted variety called Ballard after the man who first grafted it. There are only about a thousand that were grafted and they are sprinkled around Piggott, Ark. and the surrounding area. It is so tasty and apparently pecans are one of the healthiest nuts a person can eat. It is a cool story.. Anyway, we worked on separating them from the shells while we had many good conversations. It is good for her to get away for a few days even though my sister and brother has to stay with my dad while she is away.

The top photo is the bag of just-shelled, the middle is the unshelled and the bottom photo is a portion of what I will work with today. My recipes are a plain butter and salt toasted pecan, a sweet hot pecan courtesy of cayenne, and the third and most popular pecan, my sugar and spice. And I will undoubtedly do my best to eat healthy today. All those taste-tests for quality assurance, you know..

Now blogger is acting up and before I lose this post a third time, I'm gonna publish. More later....if I can westle it away from my computer hog-children.

Friday, December 01, 2006

"The first of December was covered with snow.."

Funny that every 1st of December I wake up with James Taylor's "Sweet Baby James" in my head. It works especially well this morning with the covering of snow we have. And my son got up and turned on the news on which James Taylor is singing. Freaky. This stuff shuts us down here in Missouri. No one is equipped to drive on this or remove it. All 4 inches of it.

The Springfield public school superintendent just moved from Colorado to take this job. Needless to say when posed with the question of calling off school yesterday or not, he chose not to. This is nothing where he came from. Then 6 schools lost power from the storm and of course, all schools stayed in session till at least noon. Chaos ensued, parents were mad as hell, the super was apologetic. Thankfully, our school district made the choice at 5 a.m. to close school. We'll probably be out till the middle of next week since many bus routes are on hilly backroads that never get cleared. However we have sunshine in the forecast so it may clear sooner.
Enough of the weather and road report.

My son just got up and as he gazed outside, he told me he knew this was going to be a great day. He played outside in the wind and sleet yesterday almost all day. I think he'll be in shirtsleeves today with the sunshine.
My little birdies are in need of birdseed and water. We may have to trek to the store for some and mix up a bit of suet for them.

While we were in my home town for Thanksgiving, I took my daughter out on the backroads for a couple driving lessons. She does pretty good for only having a few lessons up to now.
You can see for miles on those roads so it's pretty safe.
I remember learning to drive on these roads when I was 14. My dad farmed with my brother so it was a '72 Ford automatic pickup first which was a breeze. I craved driving so much like most kids do. I got to help them move their equipment from field to field or run back to the shop to pick up this or that. Then it was time to learn to drive a standard heavy duty truck which was fun if it hadn't been for my snotty, "perfect" brother teaching me. And the bobtrucks or grain trucks, all standard and easy to shift but hard to steer full. Then I graduated to tractors. But that came to a screeching halt when I was turning at the end of a row, stepped on the wrong brake and ran the chemical barrel on the front into a tree in the fencerow, busting it open. Then I was demoted to chopping cotton by myself.
Anyhoo, E is going to get as much driving time as I can possibly manage between now and her driving permit. Next June she'll turn 15, which means getting her learner's permit. I need a designated driver as soon as possible. (Kidding)

A few weeks back E went to a state-wide leadership conference. I dropped a scared, timid girl at the hotel to come back and find a enlightened, energized emotional girl in her place four days later. I think the experience will stay with her but you know how it is to come back to your reality and lose some of the momentum you built up from a particularly special experience? I wanted her to go and see she had many tools at her disposal to not only live and work in a moral and ethical way toward beneficial worldly goals, that her ideas weren't really "out there" but there were many kids who have the same ideas and desires. Our town is small and I don't have to tell you there are many who don't care a hoot about where they are headed and make it hard on people who want to do things differently from them. A kid can get worn down from it. I want her to remember what she learned and not lose her steam.
(Well, blogger decided not to accept my pic upload demand of E driving. Later.)