Dating ?
About the dating age of my daughter- It's young, I know. She is not actually out on a date with only the guy. I have them come here to our house or they go to his house where mom and dad are stationed and not willing to have them alone in his room even. They participate in school group activities. They haven't even been out with a group to bowl or see a movie yet.
I am not naive enough to think they could find a way to be alone if they chose to. Having talked with the mom of said boyfriend (let's call him Slim) recently, I have found they are very closely monitoring his time with my daughter. I like the sound of that. It is the same around here. No going in the bedroom or too private a set-up for them. But as I have mentioned in some comments, they both seek out either his family or my family to hang with.
Anyway, I am certainly wary of it but having dated so rarely in H.S. and coming up short on relationship experience and fun from it, I am happy E is getting some experience. She has told me she is so self-conscious about her body she can't imagine it being any fun to get nekkid. 'Course, there is always what Slim wants and will that take precedent over her feelings?...I've had some pretty open discussions with her about my past (" O, Sweet Jesus! " was one thing she said) and it made an impact. How much of one is questionable. Depends on how horny she might get, I suppose. Ick>.. I just want to proceed slowly.
I was allowed to date when I turned sixteen. They sure didn't knock down my door to get at me. Lonely, lonely. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was nineteen. And my first "experience" which was lovely.
What was the required age for dating for you all? Was it good for you or bad? Much experience?
I am not naive enough to think they could find a way to be alone if they chose to. Having talked with the mom of said boyfriend (let's call him Slim) recently, I have found they are very closely monitoring his time with my daughter. I like the sound of that. It is the same around here. No going in the bedroom or too private a set-up for them. But as I have mentioned in some comments, they both seek out either his family or my family to hang with.
Anyway, I am certainly wary of it but having dated so rarely in H.S. and coming up short on relationship experience and fun from it, I am happy E is getting some experience. She has told me she is so self-conscious about her body she can't imagine it being any fun to get nekkid. 'Course, there is always what Slim wants and will that take precedent over her feelings?...I've had some pretty open discussions with her about my past (" O, Sweet Jesus! " was one thing she said) and it made an impact. How much of one is questionable. Depends on how horny she might get, I suppose. Ick>.. I just want to proceed slowly.
I was allowed to date when I turned sixteen. They sure didn't knock down my door to get at me. Lonely, lonely. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was nineteen. And my first "experience" which was lovely.
What was the required age for dating for you all? Was it good for you or bad? Much experience?
posted by Unknown at 9:39 PM
3 Comments:
My experience was much like yours. I was allowed to date at 16 but only had two or three dates and they were all set up by my best friend, blind dates... complete failures. I didn't have a real actual boyfriend until I was 18 years old...he was my first sexual experience as well but not until we'd been dating almost a year... and four years later I married him (huge mistake). My 14yr old daughter seems to have boys interested in her all the time and it is unsettling for me, very scary.
"Depends on how horny she might get..." I thought of my daughter when you said that. When I read my daughter's chat sessions scripts back and forth from her last boyfriend, I found myself sick to my stomach, literally, at the things they were saying. It wasn't anything I haven't said or had said to me before, but this was my own daughter and her boyfriend talking about that!! EEEW. I couldn't get in the mood for sex at all myself for some time after reading my daughter saying that stuff. Everytime T and I started getting intimate, my daughter's face would pop into my head. Talk about a buzz kill for my own sex life. :-(
I just found out from my daughter that her best friend and her boyfriend have been "making out" on the couch in her living room while her parents are in the kitchen right next door. Kids are too DAMN brave... and parents are often too DAMN trusting.
You're doing the right thing keeping a close eye on them and also having a good relationship with his parents who seem to be on the same page as you.
My experience with teenagers and dating was jaded by my former stepson. Since I have no children of my own, What I do know, comes from his utter foolishness and complete ignorance.
Looking back, I tried to give him the right information and provide a structured environment for dating but at a certain point, one can not be everywhere at the same time and he betrayed our trust.
This is a long story and I don't want to post it but e-mail me if you like and I'll share.
The official age I was going to be allowed to date at was 16, my folks moved it up because they approved of the 18 year old who asked me out. (He was a jerk, but I dated him off and on all through high school. Or should I say, fought him off on and off...)
My mom and I had lots of talks about lots of stuff but not really about sex, except for her to say that I wasn't to have it until I was married. Which I pretty much subscribed to until I was adult enough to understand what I was getting into. Although, frankly, I wish I'd just listened to her in the first place.
We have a "no boys in your room" rule, now that The Child is starting to have boys come around. But she's not dating, she doesn't have a boyfriend and she still wants to marry Harry Potter.
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