Friday, November 30, 2007

Working on removing this horrible mote in my eye. My heart is hard. I am ashamed but still I continue.

I find myself so cynical and sarcastic, even hateful in my thinking toward other people that have made, in my opinion, bad choices.

Children I see every day whose parents don't take care of them, both physically, mentally or emotionally blame the teachers for not helping enough.
Teachers I work with as well as the principal bend over BACKWARDS to make sure the kid is helped, the parents stay informed of what's going wrong and troubleshooting goes on continuously between all parties. It doesn't mater in the end- we are still blamed. The kid is in the middle and it is such a shame. Many people lose obviously.

One particular hurt I feel is grounded in my family, specifically my dad's sister, now deceased and her husband and daughter. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years before my dad. Her husband and daughter were atrocious about it (saving you gory details) . My mother and my dad's cousin would take my aunt out to shop or sight see, visit other family members, etc. once a week to help her. They were her only source of entertainment. No more church or eating out with her husband since it was not something he wanted the public to see (Gritting my teeth). She died of brain damage when she fell on ice going to get her mail one day, not even into the late middle stages of the disease. It was a blessing in some ways; she didn't have to deteriorate to die.

We had always been close to her as a family, too. Her daughter moved a few hours away and even during this time when a family would pull together and make my aunt happy, she chose not to come.

After she died, my aunt's husband and daughter got rid of everything in the house that was my aunt's. The week after the funeral. They never said one thing about it nor did they ask any of us if there was something of MaryAnn's we would like to remember her by ( a common act in both sides of our family). Snap, it was all gone.

Anyhow, I am so mad, deep down mad about this and I can't get past it or allow some forgiveness.

And another family situation involving my brother's family, in particular, his wife I find very enraging. Long story short, she doesn't take care of any one but herself. Nothing remotely like cooking goes on in that house except by my brother, no emotional support, no motherly exchange, no wifey exchange- she sees to just herself. I have never seen such blatant disregard inside our family before. It is painful to watch.

Our community like many have food drives and sponsorships of families in need. I very much would like to have my children and I share that experience and teach them the joy of helping other people. However, I keep finding myself thinking about all the people in this community who don't deserve it.
I hesitate to help since I can't specifically pick who I want in this program. We probably will just suck it up and donate anyway and hope it goes to a good recipient.

I'm looking for a way to lighten up and feel more love. This kind of thinking can't go on.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Blah, blah, blah...

Woke up with a hell of a headache in the middle of the night. I was too tired to get up and take something so I kept going back to sleep. It kept waking me up. Was it the 3 vodka tonics from last night? Surely not. I didn't feel inebriated. It's a mystery and not a very interesting one at that.

Thank god I didn't decide to try that "30 days of blogging" everyone else did. Besides, I like to take a while between posts so I have you begging for something from me. And you guys know you like it that way too.

I told my kids I wanted them to go one night with me to carol around town at friend's houses. They balked at the idea till I said we should invite a couple more people to go and now it is out of hand with teachers and parents in addition to their friends wanting to go. HHmm.

Anyone ever looked at the company "French General"? What cool stuff. Just browsing and found it.

All done. 3rd grade lunch duty is calling..oh, joy.

Friday update: This is the National Blog Posting Month headquaters. 30 days in a row of blogging. A post a day. Read up. Some of the bloggers I read such as Erin @ or Jetpass @ have participated.
Believe me, I have plenty of crap rolling around in my brain to talk about. Just not enough energy to unload it in proper form. 'Cause I'm all about proper, you know.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Time To Gobble

Thankful this day and that family I have, the friends in my life and all the good food for which my dear mommy and I are about to partake of. And the promise of a hot buttered rum later.

Hopeful all of you are safe, happy or at least content and full of wonderful food.

Happy Thanksgiving
P.S. nataS, my children are visiting your state this week.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Preparations Are Underway

Having nothing to add to the blogging world of note lately, I was coasting on my engaging and genuinely gifted previous posts for you to re-peruse. Alrighty then...

Hosting Mother for Thanksgiving. Working on cleaning my house, dislodging everything from dust, junk, trash (not true trash), bad thoughts...It's good for the soul. Garage, here I come.

E and I rearranged the LR and DR today. Not too many option with 10 square feet to work with but I like what we did.

I hung my dried hops over my large LR mirror and over my LR windows and the remainder over my front door. I remember my aunt growing hops and doing the same. It looked so woodsy and beautiful I was bent on growing them just to have them to hang. People, do you realize how easy hops are to grow!!?? BUT...cut and hang hops immediately and they will dry in place instead of fighting them after they are dry to conform to your whims and there will be much less vacuuming..... Seems pretty easy to figure out, huh?

I mowed my backyard today to not only cut the grass one last time but to mulch the leaves. It sure neatened it up. I was multi-tasking by grilling pork loin chops. I am so all that.

At this point, a hot shower to relax the muscles hasn't done the job. I am researching prices and availability of hot tubs. Talk to me later in the week when I am lounging in mine. Right after I research heavy duty moisturizer.....

PS. OMG, those popcorn ceilings are so annoying. Don't look, I beg of you.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Sunday- More of the Same

I spent the day working on the snowmen and a template of the mittens. Slow going but fun all in all.

I finished the day out with a fire in the fire pit and a glass of wine from my stock- so named Pedestrian Swill -2007. . My own little coined phrase. It is slightly dry and overtones of grape and air lock cork. Heehee.

I started the fire about 4:30 and sat and ruminated till the stars started to come out. First a couple, then a hundred, then a million and then the Milky Way was showing! What a nice evening. I finished the bottle. It must not be too steong because I am still speeling- uh, spelling.
My children came in and I was so happy to see them. I am ready for the week.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I Vant To Be Alone

Ok, a weekend by myself starting with falling asleep on the couch Friday night after cleaning the house and packing away Halloween. Sad perhaps. I don't care.

This morning I spent 2 hours planning my craft projects for Christmas. The females in my family decided we would exchange crafted gifts between ourselves this year in an attempt to bring back some magic to our season. We all are very creative, if I say so myself, with abilities ranging from sewing, painting in watercolors and oils, crafting from natural materials, building and refinishing, mixed media use (hard to explain) and general craftiness.

My ideas for my mom, sister and s-i-l is a hand stitched snowman from my grandmother's creamy white mohair sweater she gave me. The style of the snowman will change from elegant for my mom to more homespun for my sis and s-i-l. I will make a pair of mittens on ribbon as a Christmas ornament style hanging for my niece and niece-in-law. If there is enough sweater, I will construct simple Christmas trees to display with the snowmen and I will keep it low-glitz so they can stay out even after Christmas.

I also had in mind a bent wood arch trellis out of thick grape vine but it may be too late since it's November and the bending part will be hard unless I soak them. I'll keep that as a possiblity.

I wanted to build my mom some bluebird houses since she would like to attract them to her yard in the country. She also found out she can feed meal worms to them so I hope to make a tray feeder for that. My friend Andrea has 150 acres of woods to find cedar trees to make the posts to mount them on. And the meal worms supply in a plastic box will need to be purchased at the PetCo. It should be relatively simple (she says naively). I want the kids to help with the birdhouses but I need to get the wood.

More later when I need a computer fix.
6:25 pm: My first snowman still in need of more stuffing. Oh. My. God! What an incredibly time-consuming project!
My first thought was to make a proto type to try out my idea but I couldn't find any material that would perform like sweater material. So I just winged it and made a template about the size I thought I'd need. It seems right except now, I need to figure out how to insert the twig arms after I have already sewn up the side seams!!!!!!! And the nose is giving me some problems as far as coming up with the right material to use. I guess some sculpy clay might work? Anyone have any ideas?

I plan on using the corded looking accents down the front of the sweater to make the neck scarf. I have to baste it after I cut it off and then figure out how to finish it off before I tie it on. Then I need to buy some nice black felt for making the hat. I think a top hat would be nice for my mom's but I might try a stocking cap style for the other two.

As I sat this afternoon working with the TV on, I heard far too many Christmas flavored commercials. I wanted to scream.
But now I'm going to take a break and watch "Zodiac" which I rented earlier and mix a cocktail.