Working on removing this horrible mote in my eye. My heart is hard. I am ashamed but still I continue.
I find myself so cynical and sarcastic, even hateful in my thinking toward other people that have made, in my opinion, bad choices.
Children I see every day whose parents don't take care of them, both physically, mentally or emotionally blame the teachers for not helping enough.
Teachers I work with as well as the principal bend over BACKWARDS to make sure the kid is helped, the parents stay informed of what's going wrong and troubleshooting goes on continuously between all parties. It doesn't mater in the end- we are still blamed. The kid is in the middle and it is such a shame. Many people lose obviously.
One particular hurt I feel is grounded in my family, specifically my dad's sister, now deceased and her husband and daughter. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years before my dad. Her husband and daughter were atrocious about it (saving you gory details) . My mother and my dad's cousin would take my aunt out to shop or sight see, visit other family members, etc. once a week to help her. They were her only source of entertainment. No more church or eating out with her husband since it was not something he wanted the public to see (Gritting my teeth). She died of brain damage when she fell on ice going to get her mail one day, not even into the late middle stages of the disease. It was a blessing in some ways; she didn't have to deteriorate to die.
We had always been close to her as a family, too. Her daughter moved a few hours away and even during this time when a family would pull together and make my aunt happy, she chose not to come.
After she died, my aunt's husband and daughter got rid of everything in the house that was my aunt's. The week after the funeral. They never said one thing about it nor did they ask any of us if there was something of MaryAnn's we would like to remember her by ( a common act in both sides of our family). Snap, it was all gone.
Anyhow, I am so mad, deep down mad about this and I can't get past it or allow some forgiveness.
And another family situation involving my brother's family, in particular, his wife I find very enraging. Long story short, she doesn't take care of any one but herself. Nothing remotely like cooking goes on in that house except by my brother, no emotional support, no motherly exchange, no wifey exchange- she sees to just herself. I have never seen such blatant disregard inside our family before. It is painful to watch.
Our community like many have food drives and sponsorships of families in need. I very much would like to have my children and I share that experience and teach them the joy of helping other people. However, I keep finding myself thinking about all the people in this community who don't deserve it.
I hesitate to help since I can't specifically pick who I want in this program. We probably will just suck it up and donate anyway and hope it goes to a good recipient.
I'm looking for a way to lighten up and feel more love. This kind of thinking can't go on.
I find myself so cynical and sarcastic, even hateful in my thinking toward other people that have made, in my opinion, bad choices.
Children I see every day whose parents don't take care of them, both physically, mentally or emotionally blame the teachers for not helping enough.
Teachers I work with as well as the principal bend over BACKWARDS to make sure the kid is helped, the parents stay informed of what's going wrong and troubleshooting goes on continuously between all parties. It doesn't mater in the end- we are still blamed. The kid is in the middle and it is such a shame. Many people lose obviously.
One particular hurt I feel is grounded in my family, specifically my dad's sister, now deceased and her husband and daughter. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years before my dad. Her husband and daughter were atrocious about it (saving you gory details) . My mother and my dad's cousin would take my aunt out to shop or sight see, visit other family members, etc. once a week to help her. They were her only source of entertainment. No more church or eating out with her husband since it was not something he wanted the public to see (Gritting my teeth). She died of brain damage when she fell on ice going to get her mail one day, not even into the late middle stages of the disease. It was a blessing in some ways; she didn't have to deteriorate to die.
We had always been close to her as a family, too. Her daughter moved a few hours away and even during this time when a family would pull together and make my aunt happy, she chose not to come.
After she died, my aunt's husband and daughter got rid of everything in the house that was my aunt's. The week after the funeral. They never said one thing about it nor did they ask any of us if there was something of MaryAnn's we would like to remember her by ( a common act in both sides of our family). Snap, it was all gone.
Anyhow, I am so mad, deep down mad about this and I can't get past it or allow some forgiveness.
And another family situation involving my brother's family, in particular, his wife I find very enraging. Long story short, she doesn't take care of any one but herself. Nothing remotely like cooking goes on in that house except by my brother, no emotional support, no motherly exchange, no wifey exchange- she sees to just herself. I have never seen such blatant disregard inside our family before. It is painful to watch.
Our community like many have food drives and sponsorships of families in need. I very much would like to have my children and I share that experience and teach them the joy of helping other people. However, I keep finding myself thinking about all the people in this community who don't deserve it.
I hesitate to help since I can't specifically pick who I want in this program. We probably will just suck it up and donate anyway and hope it goes to a good recipient.
I'm looking for a way to lighten up and feel more love. This kind of thinking can't go on.
posted by Unknown at 11:37 AM
6 Comments:
You are my soul sister, seriously.
I'm going to see a therapist next week to deal with my anger at some of my family (one sister) and how I feel so disgusted with a lot of the parents in this world. I feel like I'm broken because it effects me this way, and how the rest of the world thinks I over react. Even in the blogging world there are celeb mother bloggers who make me want to throw up on how they raise their children. But I'm the odd man out.
I need to share the story of an incident of one child in my son's school--it's a doozy.
Thank you again. Refreshing to read real feelings sometimes and not the blather of inane ramblings that we think we want people to hear from us. Can you tell I have similar feelings with some of my own family? Keep helping where you can. That's all I know to say.
I felt really mean writing about my true feelings.
Glad to know there are people here who can empathize.
It really shouldn't surprise me people have the same feelings as I do.
Thanks for the good words and smile.
a long time ago I learned that feelings are never wrong.Feelings are all legitimate. It is good to honest in sharing your feelings. Our actions can be right or wrong - what we actually do about our feelings can be a moral decision, butthe feelings are always right. I too have very similar feelings and empathize with how you feel..
Mom, those are strong words. You are quite wise.
I understand and feel you are right. But I am getting hung up somewhere between my feelings and my actions.
Thanks for visiting.
Life's rules according to nataS?
1. Life is difficult.
2. Perception is reality.
3. Change is the toughest thing a human being can do.
4. You can never change another human being; you can only change yourself. Once you change, they change, but you cannot change them.
5. I am responsible for everything I do and say. I am not responsible for your response.
6. The future and the past are seldom as good or as bad as we anticipate or remember.
7. Nobody has a squeaky-clean psyche.
8. The only thing that lasts forever is...Now.
courtesy of Dr. Friday
hjwtm
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