Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Pinky Out!

Ok, the tea party my mom hosted was a rousing success and it was definitely worth it to see how pleased she was with the outcome. Her good friends and several from our family were there. I was happy the "young girls" had such a good time. My nieces, my daughter and her best friend did a lot of the setting up and errands which were greatly appreciated. They had a great time as well.
The cucumber sandwiches WERE good, IAMNOT, since I made them myself with cukes from my own garden. There was herbed cream cheese involved as well. My sister made a kick-ass chicken salad and my mother made some trem

endous fudge among the other things listed in my previous post. We also provided ice-cold fruit and raspberry teas along with lemonade.
There was a comment period on the origins of the hats worn as well as the tea cups brought by the ladies. That led to some interesting conversations. We had printed up cards for each table with the history of taking tea.
The kitchen looked like a real tearoom with the beautiful decorations. Preparation was as much fun for my mom as the actual tea.
We ended the day discussing the date of her next tea. Perhaps at Christmas.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Tick Tock

Not much time to post lately since our school is in session and there have been and will be weekend trips and activities for another month. My house is a wreck and my painting projects I started this summer are still half finished in the garage. Not much room for the car. My garden and yard are not what I would say well-kempt, partly due to drought as well as lack of care on my part. There isn't the time at school to post since we have a new building principal who is cracking the whip. I am optimistic we will see some great changes as a result. Morale had taken a nose dive, personally speaking.
This weekend is a tea party at my mom's house for the social elite (or a list of friends and hillbilly cousins). She has always wanted to host one so my sister and I rolled our eyes behind her back and plowed ahead. Cucumber sandwiches, which are pretty yummy, if I say so myself, dainty cookies , veggies, toasted pecans, cream cheese mints, muffins and honey butter. You get the picture. Hats and dress clothes are required. Thank god we don't have to scrounge up gloves! Anyhoo, it has the makings of a good time, at least for my mom. Pictures MAY follow.
Kids are embedded in school now and my 5th grader is very jazzed. My 9th grader isn't so jazzed. Moving from 8th and the top of the heap to lowly 9th grader status has managed to tweak her self-esteem. I had to give a pep talk and I'm sure it's not the last.
On the subject of my 5th grader son...I just realized a few days ago I had been paying so much attention to my daughter I had neglected my son and his presence. Not on purpose. It was the squeaky wheel syndrome. She and I always had things to discuss and the son was always busy around the periphery. He doesn't demand anything. I realize now he was waiting for me to take notice of him. I have a lot of time to make up with him and I plan to keep him in my sights. He is such a treasure, too.

Friday, August 11, 2006

I know, I know, another scabbed blog entry...

This is very much me. These things are freaking me out!!!

***You Are A Rowan Tree***
You are full of charm and cheer. You light up a room.And while you crave attention, you do it without ego.You are an interesting mix of contradictions - and very unpredictable.You are both dependent and independent, calm and restless.You are passionate, emotional, gregarious, and (at times) unforgiving.
What's Your Celtic Horoscope?

I figured I was more "Martin" than anything....

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Da-dum-da-dum, da-dum-da-dum....(that was the wedding march)

The relatives in my life have spoken. I should marry this man I have been seeing for 2 years. They believe I'm doing my children a disservice with being "his" but not married. HHHHmmm and AAarrrgggghhh!

Let's examine Wildman.
Smart, deeply humorous and quick witted, spiritual, active, extra appreciative of my real self, loving, romantic, athletic, appreciative of my children, big listening gene, huge pampering gene, a people person. I've taken a long time to let his character "settle out" and I've watched carefully so I could make the right call on him. He has flaws- too lenient as a father as well as not demanding respect from his kids, not good with money in the least (remember the pampering?) but that's really all I can see as among the more glaring probs.

Let's examine my past history of marriage and mistakes.
When I married the kid's dad, it was because my mom told me I should stop living with him and marry him(exactly what she is saying now) . I thought"why not?" So did he. We weren't right for each other in many ways but the biggest problem and probably the most fixable was he didn't share himself with me and I didn't communicate well to him. It permeated every aspect of our marriage. But when we separated and then divorced, I still didn't know the real answer as to why. I was the one that started the separation and divorce. He was in shock. I still hate the thought of how I handled it all.
Then I moved on within 6 months of that divorce to drag my children and myself into a living hell. A man and his kids that was so controlling and manipulative that I wasn't prepared for or aware of the spiral I was going down into. No family contact, no friend contact. It was a wonder I was even allowed to go to work( less than 1/2 a mile from his). I survived( and I mean mean that in the truest sense mentally) and have come to understand this misadventure as well as the first marriage, really allowing myself to look at my mistakes and the exs. I even have given the guilt up of removing my children from their father without really trying find a better solution.

Let's examine what disservice I am or am not truly forcing on my children.
I really am examining what harm not marrying Wildman will cause my children. We have discussed my ex relationships in depth as far as what the problems were. They know I am seeking a better understanding of how relationships should work for me and in doing so, hopefully leading them to think about what makes a good relationship for themselves. They see the commitment I have to Wildman and the loving caring attitude we share toward each other. We talk about right and wrongs of any relationships they and I have and to be true to what they want while being good to the people they are involved with.
Wildman and I haven't discussed in length any future plans. I was open and very honest about not wanting to think about any kind of future plans. I wanted us to explore the "now" since we both had lost ourselves in our other marriages and he agrees this is the best he's ever felt about himself and his relationship with a mate. I have never been more happy than I am right now in my life. However, the natural direction a healthy relationship takes is moving toward the "joining". I guess that's why everyone is interested in us "joining" but I can't say I am. I like to have my autonomy. I adore my space with my kids. I feel secure and I want my kids to feel secure, too. It feels right to me to want to stay unmarried. But am I making a mistake? Is there some glaring problem I don't see with this arrangement? I don't want to feel pressure to get married and when that ball starts rolling, it's hard to stop it.

Is it sending a message of selfishness or non-commitment to my kids? Will they look at marriage as something they can take or leave. Is that a bad thing? Will that kind of thinking make them prey to non-commiting types? I can see myself being understanding to a degree if my daughter decided to move in with someone instead of marrying them.. is that too hippy-ish? Does that mean their commitment to each other is any less? I don't know.

I'll be working on this for a while.

Monday, August 07, 2006


It doesn't matter how good your arguments are.
It doesn't matter if you have wonderful eye contact.
It doesn't matter how much highly refined logic you have.
It doesn't matter if you use tone, pace and modulation of your voice.
It does not matter how fervently you believe what you are saying.
It does not matter whether you are right. Or whether you are wrong.
If the person at the receiving end has not understood your message, it means only one thing: You have not communicated. The acid test of communication is not what you have said but what the other person has received.

This post was over at http:// It just jumped out at me since I had been mullng over my communication ability just this morning.
There are many bloggers I read to experience wonderful communication skills. Such enjoyable, humorous, interesting, eloquent folks that share themselves so fully. Lee, in particular uses few words but expresses himself completely and humorously. I guess I should get a blogroll going.
Many times I just lurk and don't comment. I don't find it easy to distill my thoughts to 1 or 2 lines. I appreciate the people who can and honestly, the "regular" commenters on the blogs I read daily are as amusing as the blogger.

Friday, August 04, 2006


Just got back from a quick trip to Chicago with Wildman who had an anti-motivational speaking engagement. Long story. Back home with my son tonight before we are out the door tomorrow morning early to my parent's where my daughter has been for the week. My son's 11th birthday(gasp...11) is Sunday so we shall party "like it is on sale for ninteen ninty five" (said with your best Eastern Indian accent) . Back to our house Sunday afternoon and prepare for the horde of boys spending the night Monday for J's party here. E has band camp all week ..she's gonna be dead from that. The new band teacher is preparing them for field marching. Yey! Somewhere in this week we have to shop for back-to-school items since school begins August 16th , yes I said Aug 16th. And spend one last evening with Wildman's kids before school begins. And then there are soirees the next 2 weekends. Everything from a teaparty ( @ my mom's) to a jam session/family reunion (Wildman's). Lots to do in preparation.
I feel like this summer was well spent. I'm ready to go back to school. I need a break from my summer vacation. I think my kids are vacationed out, too. We are all appreciative of our time spent at home together and it seems like we haven't spent a full week together the whole summer. We are looking forward to that school schedule.
And more blog- reading time!