Sunday, December 19, 2010

Plodding along with dating and the search. Even though I say that I am enjoying the process so I can sound upbeat, it takes a lot of steam to continually find myself at "START" over and over. I am struggling with over thinking what it takes at times or find myself in a cynical dialogue with myself that thankfully doesn't last long. I think it is a mechanism to keep from getting any hopes up each meeting. Being my own coach is hard.
A guy I have been seeing and spending great time with is not a good long term candidate at all but the activities we share an interest in are so much fun together, I find myself reluctant to move on. There is comfort in having someone who fills some of the "relationship" bill.
He is quite the thinker and has a solid handle on who he is. What we have dealt with between the two of us has made me realize about how far I really have to go to be open and well-adjusted with my thought process in a relationship. Maybe 'honest with myself' would be a better way of stating it. In the end, what I hope to gain in knowing him is how to step back and analyze what is happening and deal with it honestly. Analytical I am not if I am in the middle of it. Once it's over or if it doesn't pertain to me, I am sharp as a tack. My emotions fiddle with my head.

3 Comments:

Anonymous sandi said...

Dating is definitely hard.

4:58 PM  
Blogger AM Kingsfield said...

It's so hard not to worry about the end, or about how living in the moment can convey more enthusiasm for a long-term relationship than may be really there.

10:01 PM  
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1:51 AM  

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