Working on removing this horrible mote in my eye. My heart is hard. I am ashamed but still I continue.
I find myself so cynical and sarcastic, even hateful in my thinking toward other people that have made, in my opinion, bad choices.
Children I see every day whose parents don't take care of them, both physically, mentally or emotionally blame the teachers for not helping enough.
Teachers I work with as well as the principal bend over BACKWARDS to make sure the kid is helped, the parents stay informed of what's going wrong and troubleshooting goes on continuously between all parties. It doesn't mater in the end- we are still blamed. The kid is in the middle and it is such a shame. Many people lose obviously.
One particular hurt I feel is grounded in my family, specifically my dad's sister, now deceased and her husband and daughter. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years before my dad. Her husband and daughter were atrocious about it (saving you gory details) . My mother and my dad's cousin would take my aunt out to shop or sight see, visit other family members, etc. once a week to help her. They were her only source of entertainment. No more church or eating out with her husband since it was not something he wanted the public to see (Gritting my teeth). She died of brain damage when she fell on ice going to get her mail one day, not even into the late middle stages of the disease. It was a blessing in some ways; she didn't have to deteriorate to die.
We had always been close to her as a family, too. Her daughter moved a few hours away and even during this time when a family would pull together and make my aunt happy, she chose not to come.
After she died, my aunt's husband and daughter got rid of everything in the house that was my aunt's. The week after the funeral. They never said one thing about it nor did they ask any of us if there was something of MaryAnn's we would like to remember her by ( a common act in both sides of our family). Snap, it was all gone.
Anyhow, I am so mad, deep down mad about this and I can't get past it or allow some forgiveness.
And another family situation involving my brother's family, in particular, his wife I find very enraging. Long story short, she doesn't take care of any one but herself. Nothing remotely like cooking goes on in that house except by my brother, no emotional support, no motherly exchange, no wifey exchange- she sees to just herself. I have never seen such blatant disregard inside our family before. It is painful to watch.
Our community like many have food drives and sponsorships of families in need. I very much would like to have my children and I share that experience and teach them the joy of helping other people. However, I keep finding myself thinking about all the people in this community who don't deserve it.
I hesitate to help since I can't specifically pick who I want in this program. We probably will just suck it up and donate anyway and hope it goes to a good recipient.
I'm looking for a way to lighten up and feel more love. This kind of thinking can't go on.
I find myself so cynical and sarcastic, even hateful in my thinking toward other people that have made, in my opinion, bad choices.
Children I see every day whose parents don't take care of them, both physically, mentally or emotionally blame the teachers for not helping enough.
Teachers I work with as well as the principal bend over BACKWARDS to make sure the kid is helped, the parents stay informed of what's going wrong and troubleshooting goes on continuously between all parties. It doesn't mater in the end- we are still blamed. The kid is in the middle and it is such a shame. Many people lose obviously.
One particular hurt I feel is grounded in my family, specifically my dad's sister, now deceased and her husband and daughter. My aunt was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years before my dad. Her husband and daughter were atrocious about it (saving you gory details) . My mother and my dad's cousin would take my aunt out to shop or sight see, visit other family members, etc. once a week to help her. They were her only source of entertainment. No more church or eating out with her husband since it was not something he wanted the public to see (Gritting my teeth). She died of brain damage when she fell on ice going to get her mail one day, not even into the late middle stages of the disease. It was a blessing in some ways; she didn't have to deteriorate to die.
We had always been close to her as a family, too. Her daughter moved a few hours away and even during this time when a family would pull together and make my aunt happy, she chose not to come.
After she died, my aunt's husband and daughter got rid of everything in the house that was my aunt's. The week after the funeral. They never said one thing about it nor did they ask any of us if there was something of MaryAnn's we would like to remember her by ( a common act in both sides of our family). Snap, it was all gone.
Anyhow, I am so mad, deep down mad about this and I can't get past it or allow some forgiveness.
And another family situation involving my brother's family, in particular, his wife I find very enraging. Long story short, she doesn't take care of any one but herself. Nothing remotely like cooking goes on in that house except by my brother, no emotional support, no motherly exchange, no wifey exchange- she sees to just herself. I have never seen such blatant disregard inside our family before. It is painful to watch.
Our community like many have food drives and sponsorships of families in need. I very much would like to have my children and I share that experience and teach them the joy of helping other people. However, I keep finding myself thinking about all the people in this community who don't deserve it.
I hesitate to help since I can't specifically pick who I want in this program. We probably will just suck it up and donate anyway and hope it goes to a good recipient.
I'm looking for a way to lighten up and feel more love. This kind of thinking can't go on.
posted by Unknown at 11:37 AM
6 comments
