4th of July Destination

Michigan- more to the point, White Lake.

I am really in need of clarification of myself and my life, my misunderstandings of myself and life in general. See? Even that whole sentence was confusing...Confused and dazed. That's what I am and after most of my difficult times, I have had to "reset". This time is no different.
Anyway, I am reading as much as I can get my hands on to deal with my confusion. I know I will be all right and this will be a growing point for me. It just feels bad and I want to hurry up and feel better. I know I can't.
Something pretty mind-boggling was what I read earlier here http://www.bspcn.com/2009/02/01/how-to-deal-with-being-dumped/
It deals with love. Love of one's self and of another. I printed it off and plan on rereading it until it is memorized.
Many parts of it make complete sense but the part that is so amazing to me is this-

"Within the depths of our souls, we are all connected by this unifying and essential energy of life – love. We occasionally experience glimpses of this deep connection through various and accidental happenstances, such as:

• A gratifying and intimate conversation with another person. Sharing and expressing your thoughts honestly and openly.
  
• Creative expressions such as playing music, writing, drawing, dancing, cooking, designing or even computer programming.
  
• Meditation, prayers or communing with your chosen religious group.
  
• Communing with nature during a hike, a walk or while sitting by the bed of a river flowing beautifully in front of you.
  
• During sexual orgasm (The Dalai Lama has written about this.)

When we fall in love with another person, we are essentially experiencing the love that was within us all along. The person is merely acting like a mirror reflecting our soul back at us. Technically, we can’t “fall” in love, because we are already made of love. The other person, much like a musical instrument, is the catalyst allowing us to recognize the beauty that’s already within us.

Because of our lack of understanding that love resides within us, and that we actually have the power to invoke it on our own, we credit it to the other person for giving love to us. This feeling is so strong and extraordinary, that we become addictive and possessive. We want to capture it and keep it fixed, so that we can – at last – keep this heightened feeling forever.The desire and dependency to keep this form fixed, becomes a source of self identification that artificially justifies who we are as physical beings. We become attached to the fixed idea of how our relationship should go and our ego quickly becomes the main investor in this fund of a relationship.The truth is that, everyone and everything is in a constant flow of change. The changes in us and in our external circumstances are inevitable and undeniable. When we change, the dynamics of our relationships change – not just romantic ones, but also friendships, family ties, and our relationships with co-workers.Over time, some relationships strengthen and some grow apart. When people grow apart, it doesn’t mean that either one of them was a bad person, but rather that they’ve learned all that they needed to from the other person, and that it’s time to move on.When it’s time to move on, we hold onto this invisible box that contains an idealized and fixated form of how things should be. We unconsciously and instinctively fall into the false believe that we must stop the love when we are no longer romantically involved.Because we attribute love as being ‘to’ this other person external to us, pain happens when we forcefully try to kill the love, which is actually within us.

Let’s repeat: Pain happens when we forcefully kill the love that’s within us. "