Underclothes Shopping Or How To Become Depressed In One Easy Step

Yes, people, it happened. I had to guzzle brown liquor in an attempt to dull the burning disgust in my head after it was all done.
The call of the underwear drawer contents was plenty audible -yeah, it was a cacophony of jeers and protests I could not ignore any longer. So I was out to do what had to be done.
I strode to the aisles of beautiful, albeit maximally plumped push-ups, demis and full-coverage with or without under wires, padding or not, smooth satin or lace-covered, hot pink to leopard printed, polka dotted to pure white. And those matching panties! Beautiful. I was happy and feeling pretty confident with the wide array to choose from and time on my side. No children, no place to be other than right here.
So I began gathering, on the hunt for the size, the style and the colors that I was drawn to. Move away from the Juniors side, move away from the full coverage for fuller chests. With racks (no pun intended) that are over- stuffed (again- npi), wrangling with the hangers, searching for the illusive size that the color-coded tags seem to never offer up and unintentionally tangling and pulling off bras in the process, a slight irritation grows. Finally with an armful, I head to the dressing room and begin the first try-out session.
Im going to wrap this up all nice and tidy by saying that real estate I once thought I owned, continually surveyed and admired, has succumbed to a natural disaster for which there is no amount of Army Corp of Engineers or National Guard help. Instead of being worn away by erosion, things have been deposited in the most unpleasant places.
It's a very old story, really, unavoidable but none -the-less distressing. A smack in the face and women of my age everywhere have the same story, Ill bet. I'm not alone but that doesn't help, somehow. All this silliness having been written, the bra size and style I once was able to buy off the rack if I chose to is a thing of the past. Now it's mandatory to try and retry both style and size a dozen times to find one bra. Landmarks that should be one place are now in another and there are...excesses- that change the terrain unpleasantly.
Siiigggghh. I did manage to find very nice additions for the northern and southern hemispheres but the pain and angst I now suffer from has ruined me a little.