There was a wreck this week on our divided highway bypass. It wasn't anyone I knew personally although I know of the family and the son of the deceased used to ride an exercise bike in the YMCA when I was there. This son was really a boy in his 40's- he had Downs Syndrome and was sweet and funny. There was a write up this week in the paper about him hitting forty and the party that was planned. It is on the front page with the article about his father's accident.
What kind of cosmic joke is that?!
It shook me up and made me stop and think, partly because it was someone revered in the community, partly because it was extremely violent and partly because it was a driving accident that took some one's life which reminds me -E is driving now.
Apparently the man was hit when he crested a hill only to be met head on with a car going the wrong way. Both were killed. The other driver was confused it was a divided four lane. We accidentally were passing by the scene after it had happened. Horrifying.
It was quick, probably not painless. Preferable to going slow and drawn out. Or is it?
My wonderful great uncle died while I was home this past weekend. He got up early, had his coffee and sat down in his recliner and fell asleep. Nothing dramatic. He had so much heart trouble in the last 20 years, I never dreamed he would live to his middle 80s. But he was so stubborn I guess I'm not surprised. He had been declining for the last year so he had everything squared away nicely. He had visited with all his folks over the family reunion weekend and then Father's Day. People were sad but not distraught and shocked. Everyone knew he was dying slowly.
I have always thought I would much prefer to die quickly, mostly because I know what kind of wimp I would be to die slowly with people watching and offering comfort. And the children and perhaps a parent watching, hopeless. Can you think of a sadder thing? I'd be flailing and crying, cussing and shaking my fists. That would be ALL 5 stages for me.
But thinking of the shock and horror of a quick, violent death- maybe that is worse for the family by far. Not having the time to make sure everyone knew how much they were loved, dealing with arrangements, leaving a feeling of real connection before I was gone.
I know none of this is something I get to decide for myself or the members of my family. Trying to desensitize myself by looking at this accidental death and putting myself in the family's spot is useless. But it's human.
What kind of cosmic joke is that?!
It shook me up and made me stop and think, partly because it was someone revered in the community, partly because it was extremely violent and partly because it was a driving accident that took some one's life which reminds me -E is driving now.
Apparently the man was hit when he crested a hill only to be met head on with a car going the wrong way. Both were killed. The other driver was confused it was a divided four lane. We accidentally were passing by the scene after it had happened. Horrifying.
It was quick, probably not painless. Preferable to going slow and drawn out. Or is it?
My wonderful great uncle died while I was home this past weekend. He got up early, had his coffee and sat down in his recliner and fell asleep. Nothing dramatic. He had so much heart trouble in the last 20 years, I never dreamed he would live to his middle 80s. But he was so stubborn I guess I'm not surprised. He had been declining for the last year so he had everything squared away nicely. He had visited with all his folks over the family reunion weekend and then Father's Day. People were sad but not distraught and shocked. Everyone knew he was dying slowly.
I have always thought I would much prefer to die quickly, mostly because I know what kind of wimp I would be to die slowly with people watching and offering comfort. And the children and perhaps a parent watching, hopeless. Can you think of a sadder thing? I'd be flailing and crying, cussing and shaking my fists. That would be ALL 5 stages for me.
But thinking of the shock and horror of a quick, violent death- maybe that is worse for the family by far. Not having the time to make sure everyone knew how much they were loved, dealing with arrangements, leaving a feeling of real connection before I was gone.
I know none of this is something I get to decide for myself or the members of my family. Trying to desensitize myself by looking at this accidental death and putting myself in the family's spot is useless. But it's human.
posted by Unknown at 3:19 PM
3 Comments:
I think it's probably just as well that most of us don't get to chose the time and manner of our death. Once I chose, say, to die in my sleep at age 99, I'd probably reconsider when I saw how little fun I was having at 88. Having time to say goodbye to dying loved ones isn't much fun either, so maybe the head-on crash isn't a bad way to go after all.
My father-in-law died suddenly. Ate lunch and sat down to watch his beloved Broncos on TV and died suddenly without warning. It was hard.
My dad was in a nursing home for 5 years and wasted away slowly. It was very hard.
Death will happen to each of us. I'm not too worried about it.I believe there is a better place waiting that is better than anything I can imagine.
Death is never painless for loved ones. Both of my parents died suddenly and it was sad and still is, but I think it easier than a long drawn out illness. I would not have wanted to watch them disappear.
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