Friday, May 16, 2008

What's on my mind?.... We have my daughter's boyfriend, Slim's graduation this weekend which should be a good reason to start her on a glass of wine to calm her. Hey, whatever keeps her from crying incessantly, worrying and fretting about him being gone, etc. I'm frayed from all that emotional drama.
Because he is a bookworm, I bought him a couple of books that might help with the transition. "Where is Mom When You Need Her", a book on cooking as a new college student to health and finances, and a book of advice given from college students. It doesn't give advice on how to find the best beer on tap prices or how to bag a freshman boy/girl in 24 hours of being on campus, not that that's not eventually useful, mind you..) It's more useful things like how to deal with anything from running out of cash to automotive stuff. That kid is dang intelligent but he is not too smart. He needs some reference material.

One of the other books I picked up with Slim's books is don Miguel Luis Ruiz's book "The Four Agreements". I thumbed through it a few months back and didn't buy it but something told me to pick it up this time. It's pretty "out there" for me in it's presentation but the core meaning of it is sensible. Code of conduct for your own life-
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
-I think of the people who I admire and when they speak, its after a pause to reflect what it is they want to say. That old adage of "think before you speak".

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
-Ok, really useful if I'd understood that concept a long time ago. And I try to help the kids with this as well, reminding them when someone is hateful directly to them, no telling what else is are has gone on in their lives to cause them to lash out. Understanding some can take some of the sting out of the meaness.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life
. -Simple and oh, so helpful to have learned this years ago. There was much more to this agreement than just the communication encouragement.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
-When I read this agreement in the book, I thought "how stupid! How can we expect to do our best when we many times don't have it in us?" But it manages to take the pressure off by the next few sentences and then it does make sense.

Anyway, as they say, these are guiding principals we can use on a daily basis if it helps flesh out existing principals we live with. I'm pretty much a "do unto others" kinda gal but but I need more.
Ok, talk amongst yaselves. Get back to me.

Those of you in Chicago should look up Simon while he is over visiting from across the pond.
It would have been fun to have met my rich English playboy but things are not conducive to traveling this weekend or coming week. But everybody give him a wave...We will see if he shows back up in the states any time soon. Then maybe we can converge on him!

Our weather today is fantabulous spring weather! I plan on opening my bottle of cold sparkling Merlot and having a glass on the patio while soaking up the sun. My poor skin.

9 Comments:

Blogger Anne said...

cloudy and a bit of rain here today

2:13 PM  
Blogger Gnomeself Be True said...

What do you call you for slim?
Mom-in-girl-friend-law'ish?

Sounds like you're the best.

2:52 PM  
Blogger Weeping Sore said...

Enjoy your Merlot! Your summary of the 4 Agreements reminds me of the advice of my Mom when I first left home: trust yourself and go in confidence. A bit shorter and sweeter, but along the same lines.

2:57 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Anne, I guess what we have had this past week is finally making it to the east coast...Sorry about that. Know that good weather is following.

Was that a bit awkward, Iamnot? Yeah, I think it was. I re-wrote it a few times....Slim has trouble knowing what to call me even after several months of knowing me. I gave him the go-ahead for the first name but he still starts things with "Mrs...."
Weeping Sore, I did enjoy.. fully!
And the advice was good but we have a tendency to not really process it in our family. I believe it's called hard-headed.
Thanks for stopping in. It's been a while.

8:07 PM  
Blogger Mom said...

Living with a teenager in love is a very draining experience. a glass of Merlot in the sunshine sounds therapeutic.
The book give wise advice.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I like the advice. Saying what you mean is necessary to successful communication. I think the same goes when we hold back and say nothing.

An old friend of mine use to say, "Mathman you did the best that you could at the time." in many situations when I would ask him for advice. I know it to be true.

9:40 AM  
Blogger Susan Lucente said...

My daughter is going through the same thing...her boyfriend is graduating. Unfortunately, he is the one who can't bear to be away from her so he chose a local technical college here in town, only because, heaven forbid that he'd have to live far enough away that he couldn't see her every day. I wish I could let him know what a huge mistake it is to make your college choices and plans based on where your still in high school girlfriend is. I'm seriously hoping he'll meet and become interested in a new girl he meets in college in the fall... Sad huh. :(

12:48 PM  
Blogger Simon said...

Im sure you could come see me if you REALLY wanted... :-(

2:57 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Mom, that is exactly what it has been this year-draining. I am going to rethink my approach and try a differnt tack with them because something isn't working if I am this exhausted.

It's always nice to get positive feedback on decisions we make, right, Mathman? Altho I do find myself ignoring it at times...

Windblown, I see some of that with my daughter. Talking about saving her time for him when she could be engaging in enriching projects and activities that would benefit her eventually. That's one of my major problems I am thinking thru how how to handle- to force her or to let her make some of those mistakes.
And I completely understand your point of view on your daughter's guy.

Simon, Simon, Simon. Tsk, tsk. You know I never lie. Hope the golf shop had what you were looking for. How are you getting it all home- checked baggage?

5:48 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home