Friday, May 09, 2008

I hate being so emotional. I can't let my mind wonder over certain issues/situations/people without getting a lump in my throat and a throb in my heart. And I'm gripey and feel hateful.

I have not shed a real tear for many months. I can't remember the last time (but then again, I forget everything). I won't let myself. I control myself not to think about certain people and scary stuff to the point I will cry. Bad thing or good thing?
I used to let it flow but I don't anymore. I don't want to get caught up in all that emotion. I also feel almost no sweetness of life anymore either. Some things used to fill me up with emotion they were so wonderful. Now I feel a deep hardness inside. I guess I am propagating this tendency by not allowing myself to feel.
I am describing the same way my grandmother was. She displayed the same characteristics. I didn't like her very much. Hehe, I have to laugh about it. And my family has never been big drama people. We keep our emotions except anger and irritation to ourselves mostly. Good grief, I never knew what my father was thinking except when he was mad. My mom would tell me to quiet down when I would be too emotional about something.

Not to worry. I'm not losing sleep over this- I'm losing sleep, just not over this.

Anyway, just thinking out loud.
Hope you all have a nice weekend planned out. Make sure the patio furniture comes out of hiding and plant those seeds and flowers in some patch of earth. Mix up a nice pitcher of some libation and sit for a spell in the sunshine or the warmth of the heater if the sun won't cooperate. Hug your kids/spouse/mailman/dry cleaners owner/cat/dog. Tell 'em that you love 'em or at the very least, that they have a nice pack/price per shirt/coat of fur.

9 Comments:

Blogger Gnomeself Be True said...

"Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry?"

I don't think it's a good trade myself...though I find myself headed that way now and again.

12:40 PM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

awww you should just let it all out greeny. even if it's in the shower when you are alone-it's not healthy to keep all that bottled up inside.

maybe if you wrote it all out and saved it in a post (and didn't publish it) or on a piece of paper and tucked it away it would help?

i hate hearing you sound sad.

-hugs my friend.

5:45 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I was told on my other blog that I was holding it in myself. Maybe that's true. I just think one needs a safe place to let the emotion out. I hope you can find that place.

8:26 PM  
Blogger John said...

What to say. I have no advice since I feel the same way most of the time. I laugh to hide the frustration. That and a few other things. All I can think of is to watch that garden grow.

6:12 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I think I just feel scared and the sadness is cyclical.
Scared about my standing in life.
Even though I prefer to be alone right now and concentrate on my childrens lives with no distractions, I can't help but feel pressure and stress to perform. I guess I could use a shoulder to lean on- no listening, just leaning.
I have plenty of willing people to talk to and bounce my problems off. I feel blessed that way.

Thanks for the input, folks, really. And I can always use lyrics from Jackson Browne. That's who we named J after.

6:53 AM  
Blogger Susan Lucente said...

Although we have different circumstances, it sounds like you and I are in a very similar place these days. I'm not letting myself cry either...if I do, I'm afraid I'll never stop. :-( (I know there's always a brighter day ahead and sometime, soon hopefully, I'll look back on this time and wonder what I was so dramatic about...but right now, it's pretty damn gloomy.)

11:42 AM  
Blogger kimmyk said...

Happy Mother's Day, Greeny!

7:08 AM  
Blogger Miss Healthypants said...

You are not alone in your sadness. I think everyone feels that way--some of us more often than others. Just know that life is full of hills and valleys--and you might just be in a valley right now. The hill is always nearby, even when you can't see it...

Well, that's how I like to look at it, anywy Thanks for this post--it's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way sometimes. :)

9:02 PM  
Blogger Lorraine said...

I love you, Greeny. Seriously. You're so honest.

9:58 PM  

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