J had his Spring band concert last night. I never mentioned that he is the sole percussionist for the 6th grade band since the other 5th grade percussionists didn't last into 6th grade. So on several of the songs they played, he was racing around trying to play all the parts. At least he could SEE the music to play it. He went patch -less. But he definitely needs to grow two more arms. On a couple of songs he did have help with a trombone playing the bass drum while he was on snare.
Today he only has a bit of swelling in the eye. Boring....
It just rained cats and dogs a bit ago. That takes care of us working outside today in the outdoor classroom with the 5th grade. It's gone straight from late winter into summer. 80 degrees today! I'm never surprised but I do gripe a lot. Have you noticed?
I knew it was coming, I knew it, I knew it! Saw the signs, I did.
The nightmare: daughter comes and stretches out on the bed with me while I'm watching the news. Says the daughter in so many words "Slim and I have been talking. You know, we have been going out for over a year and a half. We are starting to talk about having ..you know... " AAaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Head plunges into sand! Nope, that doesn't work. We know that in this family. Take it out and face her. Breathe slowly, show no signs of stress, no sudden moves and for Heaven's sake, don't show the whites of your eyes....
"Well, honey, I appreciate you coming to me like you and I discussed over and over". Launch into warm, coherent convo about how it was for me, what I would expect for her and possible problems, anything and everything I can bring up and discuss to gauge what the actual situation is.
Hhm. Actually having a mature, lengthy, enlightened conversation. Ideas, questions, ancedotes (not many, mind you) flowing more easily than expected. Maybe there is not as much to worry about as I thought. Oh, wait. She's within a month of 16. She's talking about having ..you know...Gaahhhhhhhhhhhh! There is plenty to worry about!
I have a plane ticket bought to some remote island. I'll be back when my kids are grown and in therapy.
Today he only has a bit of swelling in the eye. Boring....
It just rained cats and dogs a bit ago. That takes care of us working outside today in the outdoor classroom with the 5th grade. It's gone straight from late winter into summer. 80 degrees today! I'm never surprised but I do gripe a lot. Have you noticed?
I knew it was coming, I knew it, I knew it! Saw the signs, I did.
The nightmare: daughter comes and stretches out on the bed with me while I'm watching the news. Says the daughter in so many words "Slim and I have been talking. You know, we have been going out for over a year and a half. We are starting to talk about having ..you know... " AAaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Head plunges into sand! Nope, that doesn't work. We know that in this family. Take it out and face her. Breathe slowly, show no signs of stress, no sudden moves and for Heaven's sake, don't show the whites of your eyes....
"Well, honey, I appreciate you coming to me like you and I discussed over and over". Launch into warm, coherent convo about how it was for me, what I would expect for her and possible problems, anything and everything I can bring up and discuss to gauge what the actual situation is.
Hhm. Actually having a mature, lengthy, enlightened conversation. Ideas, questions, ancedotes (not many, mind you) flowing more easily than expected. Maybe there is not as much to worry about as I thought. Oh, wait. She's within a month of 16. She's talking about having ..you know...Gaahhhhhhhhhhhh! There is plenty to worry about!
I have a plane ticket bought to some remote island. I'll be back when my kids are grown and in therapy.
posted by Unknown at 10:46 AM
9 Comments:
"But honey, I only wanted you to talk to me about it so I could tell you NOT TO DO IT till college at least and then only when you're on the pill and that rascal is wrapped like toxic waste!"
Right! That's exactly what I said and heavy on the toxic waste wrappage...
I am so on the fence about this (normal for me facing any decision from a grocery list to stock broker) because my parents NEVER even THOUGHT about having a convo about sex and I certainly knew from my older sister's experience it was bad to have sex. Nothing ever entered in about a relationship..
But then I think I don't really want her to have sex even if she has a very nice bond with this kid which she does.
Ive watched with an eye and ear out for any possible inkling he is pressuring her or exhibiting inappropriate measures to "get her alone", been in contact with his parents on a very regular basis on locations and times they are expected and been clear on what I expect from her as exceptable behavior and informed anyone I can trust to tell me if there is inappropriate activities they see. They both are clear its not to happen.
Now, they've been good kids for a year and a half. They both have an exceptional conscience and so far that has been enough to stop them. But how long?
Sorry. I am no help on this one. Obviously you want her to wait until she is much older, but she may not. Make sure you get her to a doctor. She needs to talk to a professional about contraception choices and other conversations about sex and health issues. That she is talking to you is wonderful . Growing up is very hard for parents.
By the way, glad J is better. He should be making you very proud.
Its normal, its natural, and provided there is agreement between both of them it shouldn't be an issue. Kids are older today, we all know that, and I think E is mature enough and smart enough not to do anything stupid. I think it would be worse if you made an issue out of it... it sounds like you're handling it in the right way. Don't get me wrong, my 9 year old son has a few years before I have to worry about this (hopefully!) so Im not envious of you going through this now, but when he does I hope he has the same confidence in our relationship to talk to me about it the way E talked to you. And Im pleased J is getting better.
Wow, it can be a difficult conversation. We have been have sex conversation wit our kids since they were fairly young. So the 16 yr seem comfortable talking about it but she has not dropped that bomb on us. We know about all her other friends. The 6th grader has a friend that told me how he makes out with his gf.
It is ironic that we seem to talk to the kids but not to each other.
I am not afraid to talk about sex with either of them and we have had open convos about it but the actual wanting to set it in motion is what I don't want to happen.
Yeah, kids are more mature to a certain degree but it still is life changing, especially to a thinking person.
And talking with your kids is different ground, no matter how you look at it, mathman.
I'd bottom line it for her.
It's great that she can come to you and discuss the situation, but that doesn't mean she's getting permission.
The world is half populated by people born to people who were having sex but "trying not to get pregnant." Until both partners are physically and emotionally ready to spend the rest of their lives responsible for a child, there should be no sex. No 16 year old, no matter how much they may believe it, is ready for that.
Actions have consequences. One of the possible consequences of sex is a baby. We don't write checks we can't cash. We don't make promises we can't keep. And we sure as hell don't do these things with the life of a child in the balance.
So sayeth the Dad.
greeny, I appreciate what you mean.
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