This morning early I was taking a walk with the full moon shining down wondrously at me. It fills me with peace and joy at the same time when I am alone and seeing things like this. Even if I am in a burg with dead cats and cars going by.

I have been seeing photos of wild places in woods and mountains that make me wish for days or weeks I could spend in the wild. I would be completely at home and the more alone the better. Some might not believe that but it's true.
NOt that I don't want to give those experiences to my children. I have been remiss in years past shunning that kind of trip since it's not so much their bag. Less E's than J- he would love going and not having to take a shower or do homework.
Perhaps in the days ahead we could spend more time outdoors on small trips.

But I need a BIG nature fix. Me, myself and I. That solitude is necessary for my function. No wonder I am not functioning well. It's been ages since I've had a nature walk.

I was reading a book about Jean Jacques Audubon, the esteemed wild bird artist. He followed his dream for more than 12 years to finish a book of prints of the wild birds of America. His family suffered, he suffered but they all worked on because his dream was so strong.

He took his dream out and examined it closely and frequently so his excitement and drive would be fed for this venture. It was never closed for his consideration. He never decided his family or he should perhaps let it go and find a nine-to-five (like that existed much in the 19th century). He knew- HE KNEW he wanted and needed to do this. And he was successful and ended his days living on a wonderful piece of land with his children and their families close by, world-renowned and at peace with himself.

There have been people lately who while seeing older years come, have wondered what might have been of their lives if they had followed other dreams or their big dream more closely. What might have happened if they had pushed more in another direction? More enjoyment or fulfillment? More headaches but more personal growth? I think these same things day in and day out. Weighing possibilities against realistic outcomes. I hate realistic but it is too much a part of me to disengage it.

After I read the Audubon book, I realize I didn't take my dream out often enough to make a difference. I lost the dream to making money, taking care of the realities of the world and living as I "should".

When I walked this morning, I was lost in amazment at the sight of that gigantic yellow-white moon. It gave me immense pleasure. Seeing it made me realize I should be spending more time doing things that get me into nature. It's the only thing that makes me feel so good. It is my dream.