Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'm NOT Throwing In the Towel

I've noticed several bloggers who are shutting down or are taking a break. I feel less than enthusiastic about my blogging lately. I think it might be the summertime
slump when there is so much to take up time with it's hard to get to it. I have very little I feel I can share, too.
When I am with just one or two friends, I am quite verbal. In a group, I am very much the person who listens and holds an inner dialogue, contented with that. I do speak up in the conversation but I am not the leader, so to speak (a couple of reasons for this). I've always been that way. And in my blogging life, I rarely find myself revealing that inner dialogue like so many do so well. I am content to read and consider what you all are writing, usually without much comment.


Things I woke up and worried about overnight: My father who is losing weight and tearing up when my mother visits him. I miss him and I need to get over to see him.

My son. What will his initial reaction be when I make a break from Wildman? And how can I make up the loss of that male influence that he needs and loves very much? It will seem like the divorce all over again, I am afraid. Obviously I need to speak to his father about stepping up. Advice anyone?

My daughter and her reaction. I believe she will fare better since she understands why I am breaking it off with Wildman but her male influence is going to take a hit too. Risky.

Wildman.



School starts for me tomorrow. The kids don't go till Wednesday. I am fairly up for it. With the Outdoor Classroom initiative we have in mind, I will be busy and fulfilled this year, I think.

J starts middle school. Whoa! I'll be in the elementary by myself! It's trial by fire in 6th grade. Sink or swim. He is going to have a bit of culture shock with his organizational skills and I might be up to 60 mg on my antidepressants by the end of September.

E is initiating a school newspaper and found a babysitting job that is pretty consistent. She is going to be one busy gal.

The house is quiet. The kids are gone and my mind can relax. I have my Sunday paper ready to read and more coffee. I have the morning and some of the afternoon I can spend alone. I love it. Wish I could get rid of this worry in my belly.

13 Comments:

Blogger Darren G. Miller said...

I hope you have a good year at school. My heart goes out to all of you guys still in the trenches. Also, hopefully, you get back into the swing of blogging. You're a good read.

12:08 PM  
Blogger John said...

Relationships. Always a challenge. I have never dealt with how my children deal with a separation for more than a few months and so I don't feel qualified to advice, other than the knowledge that if your children know you love them and are there for them then they can make it through nearly anything.

Keep going. You're doing fine.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Helene said...

Big changes on the horizon... I think kids are resilient. You will do what you can and they will be fine. I think talking with their Dad is great (and big of you) I also think that they both probably have an idea that this is coming... kids are pretty smart. It might be a surprise but not a shock... Good luck!

8:53 PM  
Blogger TAG said...

Get rid of the worry? Err, not possible. It's part of what you get when you take on the job of Parent. Well, when you are a parent who cares. Too many don't seem to care about anyone but themselves.

The best you can do is make the best choices you can and trust they are right. Believe in yourself and you will do fine.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You have my good thoughts, Wolfgang. And thanks for the good words. Right back at you!

Thanks, John and nice to see you here. Sometimes loving them seems like it might not be enough.

Hi, Kate! Nice to see you. They have already been quite resilient up to now. And talking to Dad has produced fair results in the past but if I sound as desperate as I feel he might do more. He would understand the situation at least so I've got that.

Tag, hi and welcome. I
My dad said it many times- "There is no harder job than being a parent" so understandably many people aren't up for it.
I have made lousy decisions inthe past involving them and I didn't want to make another. Thanks for you input.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Michele said...

I agree must be the summer.

First I must have missed something because I didn't know you were ending it with wildman.

About the kids, it will hurt and they will be sad/mad but they will get over it and they will bounce back. It's not the same he's not thier father, so it's not the same.

I wish you all luck.

--Michele

10:25 AM  
Blogger Gnomeself Be True said...

Over the weekend, I tried to convince my wife to get rid of the boys and get two more dogs.
They seem so much easier.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Mom said...

I am so glad you have decided to keep on blogging. I would miss you. You were one of the first blogs I read and i feel like you're a good friend.

I don't have any good advice for your relationship concerns. Do what is best for you - that is what will be best for the kids. You, not Wildman, are their security. You are a good mom and they know they are loved. wish I could make it all easier.

I hope my grandkids get a teacher who loves her job as much as you do.

1:41 PM  
Blogger Sandi said...

Hugs!
I hope all goes well with the start of school.

I think your kids will be fine. :)

6:24 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Jetpass, hi and I've been thinking a long time that I should break it off with Wildman since he just isn't right for me. I just whimped out because of the kids and his feelings.
Since I've read everyone's thoughts, I realize I am worrying too much about this. It has to be done and everyone will recover from it. But it's going to be a long while before I bring someone else into their lives.
Thanks for the good wishes.

Iamnot, you made me smile.

Thanks Mom for all the kind words. I feel better now that you've given me some warm fuzzies.


Aah, Lorraine, your fairies amid your wishes did the trick! What a gem you are.

Hi, Sandi and thanks. School starting is not too bad. It could be worse. I still wish I were independently wealty so I could skip it, though.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Anne said...

Hi, It's been a while, been out of town. I won't reiterate what everyone else has said, but have a good school year, my kids start back on Monday.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Otis said...

I threw in the towel...

But, I will still read your blog.

Do what is right for you.

8:52 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Anne! I am happy to see you as always and glad your trip was a success even tho you saw first hand the bridge wreckage. I believe that would have been very sad and horrifying.
Thanks for the good thoughts, too.

Otis! How are you, buddy?! Glad to know you are coming by from time to time. I miss you but I very much understand your reasons for unplugging.
Thanks for the visit.

7:32 PM  

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