A New Stage of Life
Thanks to all who sent good thoughts my way. I appreciate them, really.
Putting my father in the nursing home was very much like his death. We all knew it had to come, there was relief when it was done but it was also saying goodbye. We each dealt with it and are dealing with it differently, of course.
Unfortunately, like a death with the finality, this situation isn't ending for years, most likely. It's just been eased a bit.
My father has a bleeding ulcer which had him off meds and very , shall we say "cranky". Unmanageable without meds in the nursing home, he was transferred to a hospital with a geriatric psych ward to get his meds re-established and re-evaluated under a doctor's care. I went with my mom to admit him after he was transferred there. It was horrible to see him sedated and so lost to us and the world. He was disheveled to say the least, and contorted on the bed, sound asleep thanks to the medication they had to give him. At that point my heart realized he was gone for me. It was final. Even though I had watched his descent into oblivion for some months now, it was this time I had to say goodbye.
Now it is our job to see he is well taken care of and it is hard for me to relinquish control. I had worried about my mom the whole time he was at home but I never worried about my dad because I knew Mother was doing everything to make him comfortable. But to give control to someone else has me on red alert. Lets just say I am on top of this as are my siblings.
My mom is doing much better and getting some sleep, some quiet time to regain some control over her life. She misses him desperately and can't believe she is going to live without him. We had many good talks while I was there and I hear strength in her words but I didn't want to leave her alone just to save her from that lonesomeness she was already feeling. She was fragile still yet and will be for some time. I just have to hope my dad's condition stabilizes so there aren't many emergencies to worry her.
I was reluctant to take my kids when I went because I wasn't sure what incidents would take place when we got there. I didn't know if Daddy would be gone when I got there or what shape Mother would be in or what jobs I would need to do so I thought they didn't need to be in the fray. I am not shielding them from all of it but some stuff is better relayed at a later time then for youngsters to see it first hand. I think I made the right choice.
Putting my father in the nursing home was very much like his death. We all knew it had to come, there was relief when it was done but it was also saying goodbye. We each dealt with it and are dealing with it differently, of course.
Unfortunately, like a death with the finality, this situation isn't ending for years, most likely. It's just been eased a bit.
My father has a bleeding ulcer which had him off meds and very , shall we say "cranky". Unmanageable without meds in the nursing home, he was transferred to a hospital with a geriatric psych ward to get his meds re-established and re-evaluated under a doctor's care. I went with my mom to admit him after he was transferred there. It was horrible to see him sedated and so lost to us and the world. He was disheveled to say the least, and contorted on the bed, sound asleep thanks to the medication they had to give him. At that point my heart realized he was gone for me. It was final. Even though I had watched his descent into oblivion for some months now, it was this time I had to say goodbye.
Now it is our job to see he is well taken care of and it is hard for me to relinquish control. I had worried about my mom the whole time he was at home but I never worried about my dad because I knew Mother was doing everything to make him comfortable. But to give control to someone else has me on red alert. Lets just say I am on top of this as are my siblings.
My mom is doing much better and getting some sleep, some quiet time to regain some control over her life. She misses him desperately and can't believe she is going to live without him. We had many good talks while I was there and I hear strength in her words but I didn't want to leave her alone just to save her from that lonesomeness she was already feeling. She was fragile still yet and will be for some time. I just have to hope my dad's condition stabilizes so there aren't many emergencies to worry her.
I was reluctant to take my kids when I went because I wasn't sure what incidents would take place when we got there. I didn't know if Daddy would be gone when I got there or what shape Mother would be in or what jobs I would need to do so I thought they didn't need to be in the fray. I am not shielding them from all of it but some stuff is better relayed at a later time then for youngsters to see it first hand. I think I made the right choice.
posted by Unknown at 7:36 AM
6 Comments:
There is nothing easy about what you are going through now. My dad was in a nursing home for several years - and all of them were hard. Your dad will get better care if someone is there every day to check on him. Another thing you can do to help him get better care is to occasionally buy pizza for the staff's lunch. They will appreciate it and usually the staff responds by giving a little extra time to the patient who was so generous. Hope your mom can get caught up on her rest. She sounds like a tough lady who will do what she needs to do. Blessings on all of you.
That must be very hard for you.
I am sure you are doing the right thing though.
I agree with "mom" that by being nice and kind and thoughtful with the staff... that will go a long way. (I used to work in a care facility).
I am glad your mom is getting some rest.
and hopefully you can, too.
((HUGS)))
Greeny,
My heart goes out to you.
Mom is right about his care. The staff must come to see that family will be there consistently...when they know this, they are less likely to cut corners with care and compassion.
Thanks, Mom for the kind words.
As for the idea of goodies for the staff, the counselor at the hospital gave the same good advice. She also recommended surprise visits to make sure things are good consistently.
Thanks Sandi and Otis for the kind words too.
Thank you for sharing this story, Greeny. Hugs.
Thanks, Lorraine.
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