Talking Him Down
Ok, I talked to Wildman this weekend. It sent him into a tailspin but I think by this evening, he is understanding what I am trying to tell him.
I feel really like I am in actual depression,which is so overused nowadays I hesitate to actually admit it. I just know I feel like I used to when I was in my second marriage and being bombarded with accusations of infidelity constantly. I ended up to the point of barely breathing. I couldn't move. I was one step away from the walking dead. ( Some of you know how this went down and what an idiot I was to go into this relationship). Anyhoo, I managed to get passed major depression without the use of drugs. Not so much this time, I am afraid. It feels like it must be chemical. I don't have any one thing that has put me here like last time.
I talked to Wildman and told him first off I felt so used up I had nothing to give him, how it made me feel guilty, how I worried since I knew his history with a wife that apparently used HIM up with her neediness, I wanted to treat him better, I didn't want to hurt him but I needed some room and time to sort his out, get to a doc and see if a prescription was the answer. He felt better, I felt relieved, we drank a few bottles of wine and ta-da, I'm home and feeling much better. Nice weekend. I don't understand it. Alcohol is a depressant. I don't feel depressed, just relieved.
We rented "The Departed". Excellent film! Just don't drink too many bottles of wine and try to follow it.
Home now and sober. I have children who are ecstatic as I am. Their father has bought a house in the woods apart from the woman he is living with. I don't know the important parts of why and how but I do know they aren't broken up, just keeping 2 houses. Country mouse, city mouse sorta of, E said. J is so happy since he loves to meander in the woods with no particular intentions. This will give him that again. E is obviously happy. I wager to say their dad is happiest of all.
Cheers to all.
I feel really like I am in actual depression,which is so overused nowadays I hesitate to actually admit it. I just know I feel like I used to when I was in my second marriage and being bombarded with accusations of infidelity constantly. I ended up to the point of barely breathing. I couldn't move. I was one step away from the walking dead. ( Some of you know how this went down and what an idiot I was to go into this relationship). Anyhoo, I managed to get passed major depression without the use of drugs. Not so much this time, I am afraid. It feels like it must be chemical. I don't have any one thing that has put me here like last time.
I talked to Wildman and told him first off I felt so used up I had nothing to give him, how it made me feel guilty, how I worried since I knew his history with a wife that apparently used HIM up with her neediness, I wanted to treat him better, I didn't want to hurt him but I needed some room and time to sort his out, get to a doc and see if a prescription was the answer. He felt better, I felt relieved, we drank a few bottles of wine and ta-da, I'm home and feeling much better. Nice weekend. I don't understand it. Alcohol is a depressant. I don't feel depressed, just relieved.
We rented "The Departed". Excellent film! Just don't drink too many bottles of wine and try to follow it.
Home now and sober. I have children who are ecstatic as I am. Their father has bought a house in the woods apart from the woman he is living with. I don't know the important parts of why and how but I do know they aren't broken up, just keeping 2 houses. Country mouse, city mouse sorta of, E said. J is so happy since he loves to meander in the woods with no particular intentions. This will give him that again. E is obviously happy. I wager to say their dad is happiest of all.
Cheers to all.
posted by Unknown at 7:29 PM
8 Comments:
Things appear to be looking up! Do not feel bad about the possibility of needing medication to help you through this depression. I've been there, and let me tell you, after so long in a depression of this sort, you can easily forget that life can be better. With the right meds in the right amounts, it's like flipping a sunlight switch on. You will be amazed at how much better you feel, how much better you sleep, how much better you feel when you wake up and just your overall sense of wellbeing and contentment. Don't put it off, get to the doctor and see what he/she thinks. You do so much for everyone else in your life, you deserve to feel good and put yourself first for a change!
I'm rootin' for ya! :-)
Hey! I like how things turned out for you this weekend.
You may not be depressed...you could be used up and worn down.
See what happens. If if doesn't go away, then try something different.
You go girl.
Butterfly, Otis and S, thanks for encouraging words. I am not too worried about being on meds. It just took me some time to identify what was really going on though.
I did feel a lot better after I told Wildman to back off some and give me space (not the words I used, btw).
Have a good day!
Why do relationships have to be so overwhelming? I can't seem to handle them either. I feel guilty hurting someone else's feelings, but that's no reason to stay.
Take what you need. I'm proud of your guts to face it all.
Congrats on handling things with the wildman so well.
I hope for healing all around.
Honey, I think you felt better because you cleaned your pores with Wildman. It's toxic to walk around all clogged up. I'm glad he took it well and isn't making it worse. It sounds like he really cares about you.
Thanks, AM, Iamnot and lisa p and S. I feel a lot better just having a talk. And a rant.
Dont delay... it takes a month for the drugs to kick in so see your doctor asap!! It cant hurt and if it doesnt help you can always stop taking them! I am wondering why you need to take some space from Wildman through this though... dont push him away when you really need the support. He is a big boy and can decide when he isnt getting enough back from you. Relationships are a give and take... it doesnt always have to happen at the same time.
I had never experienced depression prior to 2 years ago and when I got to 'that' point I knew it. I didnt quite know how I could keep going the way I was without help... I was so afraid of taking drugs but really didnt see another choice. I took lexapro for just over a year. I only got off it because I had surgery and the doctor asked me to do so. I took 10 mg of Lexapro (less sexual side effects) daily. I tried 20 but it made me totally numb (in multiple ways) It was a terrific drug for depression. It let me handle all that was coming to me without falling apart. It allowed me to get through the grocery store without crying each and every time.... and I could still process the crap that needed processing.
I wonder at times if I should go back on it. (I find I am self medicating with alcohol as well)I am weepy and moody of late and think it might be depression related. I just dont want to! lol I read an article in Mens Health Magazine recently that indicated that the chemicals you release during exercise are similar to those in the antidepressants. I have been an exercising nut for the past week to see if that is true. I will keep ya posted!
Sorry this is so long winded. Feel free to delete it after you read it. I just wanted to let you know that you arent alone. If you want to chat about it more, email me.
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