The Good With the Bad
A big-ass mug of steaming strong coffee and tons of blogs to read...now that's the way to spend a Saturday morning. Well, there are better ways but this is highly enjoyable.
I stayed home yesterday from school with my son while he was recovering from a stomach flu (yuck). He actually woke up feeling fine but he didn't wake up till 9. I ended up getting those little jobs done that pile up so high. Plus we spent some time playing "Runescape" together. He wanted me to get into playing some "Dragoon" on Playstation but I am not a hand-eye kinda girl. He totally enjoyed it as I did.
Since it was payday, it called for the perfunctory poker night with the kindly folks from the elementary school (the principle, the middle school counselor, the gifted program teacher, Title I reading and math teachers, the speech teacher, the P.E. coach, the art teacher, plus husbands and peripherals). Buy-in was only $5 and I made it last quite a while winning one hand. I suck at poker but it's a fun group.
E goes to St Louis Thursday for her leadership conference. I take her up early to get her settled and then get home so I can be here for J before evening. Got to get up there on Sunday before noon to attend the closing ceremony. I hope it is as useful to her as it looks like it will be. It looks impressive when I look at the itinerary.
I have been mulling over the problems with the inadequate accommodations in the dad's/girlfriend's house as well as the insensitivity and immaturity of the girlfriend and the oversite of the dad. As these things usually go, the relationships between them all started out great. Then problems arose, which is normal. But it is progressing without what I would call constructive attempts to remedy these problems.
Ultra-sensitivity and jealousy on the girlfriend's part, having 2 sets of rules for hers and his, treating E and J like they are second class citizens- there have been many incidents that go under one of those headings.
I am not naive enough to believe my kids are perfect or that they haven't colored the incidents to their own benefit. However, my daughter is not a "Daddy's girl" so she isn't jealous of Jenn or maligning or undermining her at every turn. J isn't a rowdy, mouthy, mean-spirited sort of kid. They are pretty well-behaved kids who tend to enjoy anyone they are with as long as they are treated fairly. Many people have even said as much. And as my daughter said- if there was just a bit of give and take, if there was just a bit of trying on the other's part it would mean a lot and she could relax. I am at a loss for what to help on or to tell my kids. I have tried to be positive and nurturing, to explain how these things take time, to give them an approach for different problems and because of that, they have been motivated to change things. But these problems still exist in their enormity and more are cropping up.
We all lived through this very problem with my second marriage. The very exact same problem and I was guilty of sitting by and letting it happen in an effort to keep HIM happy. I can't let it happen again and the very real problem of the kids not having a relationship with their dad that they can carry into adulthood is the motivating factor here. I can't let that happen. So I will continue to work on it and send emails and phone him but it looks sad really. I am working on having a positive outlook and leaving cynicism and sarcasm alone.
I didn't get the urban forestry job but they have my resume on hand. It may prove to be the humor that gets them thru another week. Actually I didn't feel too bad about how it read, so there!
Thanksgiving will be spent at the parent's with just us 3 and them. But my sister's 49th b-day will be that weekend and her son and daughter-in-law will be in from Kansas with my grand-niece(oh,jeez,it hurts!). Should be fun, emphasis on "should".
Happy weekend, everybody.
I stayed home yesterday from school with my son while he was recovering from a stomach flu (yuck). He actually woke up feeling fine but he didn't wake up till 9. I ended up getting those little jobs done that pile up so high. Plus we spent some time playing "Runescape" together. He wanted me to get into playing some "Dragoon" on Playstation but I am not a hand-eye kinda girl. He totally enjoyed it as I did.
Since it was payday, it called for the perfunctory poker night with the kindly folks from the elementary school (the principle, the middle school counselor, the gifted program teacher, Title I reading and math teachers, the speech teacher, the P.E. coach, the art teacher, plus husbands and peripherals). Buy-in was only $5 and I made it last quite a while winning one hand. I suck at poker but it's a fun group.
E goes to St Louis Thursday for her leadership conference. I take her up early to get her settled and then get home so I can be here for J before evening. Got to get up there on Sunday before noon to attend the closing ceremony. I hope it is as useful to her as it looks like it will be. It looks impressive when I look at the itinerary.
I have been mulling over the problems with the inadequate accommodations in the dad's/girlfriend's house as well as the insensitivity and immaturity of the girlfriend and the oversite of the dad. As these things usually go, the relationships between them all started out great. Then problems arose, which is normal. But it is progressing without what I would call constructive attempts to remedy these problems.
Ultra-sensitivity and jealousy on the girlfriend's part, having 2 sets of rules for hers and his, treating E and J like they are second class citizens- there have been many incidents that go under one of those headings.
I am not naive enough to believe my kids are perfect or that they haven't colored the incidents to their own benefit. However, my daughter is not a "Daddy's girl" so she isn't jealous of Jenn or maligning or undermining her at every turn. J isn't a rowdy, mouthy, mean-spirited sort of kid. They are pretty well-behaved kids who tend to enjoy anyone they are with as long as they are treated fairly. Many people have even said as much. And as my daughter said- if there was just a bit of give and take, if there was just a bit of trying on the other's part it would mean a lot and she could relax. I am at a loss for what to help on or to tell my kids. I have tried to be positive and nurturing, to explain how these things take time, to give them an approach for different problems and because of that, they have been motivated to change things. But these problems still exist in their enormity and more are cropping up.
We all lived through this very problem with my second marriage. The very exact same problem and I was guilty of sitting by and letting it happen in an effort to keep HIM happy. I can't let it happen again and the very real problem of the kids not having a relationship with their dad that they can carry into adulthood is the motivating factor here. I can't let that happen. So I will continue to work on it and send emails and phone him but it looks sad really. I am working on having a positive outlook and leaving cynicism and sarcasm alone.
I didn't get the urban forestry job but they have my resume on hand. It may prove to be the humor that gets them thru another week. Actually I didn't feel too bad about how it read, so there!
Thanksgiving will be spent at the parent's with just us 3 and them. But my sister's 49th b-day will be that weekend and her son and daughter-in-law will be in from Kansas with my grand-niece(oh,jeez,it hurts!). Should be fun, emphasis on "should".
Happy weekend, everybody.
posted by Unknown at 8:06 AM
7 Comments:
Sounds like a perfect Saturday morning, indeed.
And I hurt for you and the kids in this slimy situation. It's so hard when all you want to do is the right thing and no one else wants to play.
The kids are so fortunate to have you and be able to talk about this stuff with you.
Thanks for reminding me to stay together for the sake of the kids...
Sorry things have to go that way.
Iamnot, like I've said before, If I knew then what I know now, I would have worked a hole lot harder to make things right to stay.
Lorraine, they deserve to have a good place to go to see their dad and clear, fair rules. If that is not the case, then something should change. It's to that point.
Thanks for stopping by.
Staying together for the kids isn't all its cracked up to be. I think a good divorce can be better than a bad marriage, although a good marriage beats them both.
Greeny, I know your dilemma, but sometime you have to just let their father fail. You are trying to be their father too. that's hard. Your kids benefit from your graciousness. Life is hard. That's not a bad lesson for your kids to learn.
Runescape is taking over my computer lately. I need to get another computer on-line in this house. It was good of you to play with him.
Sounds like a cool school where you work. The Halloween party I went to ended with my son's 2nd grade teacher dancing on the bar! I loved it! She was his one of his best teachers.
From your description previously, the situation must be a difficult one or all of you.
I'm not an expert with children (never had any) nor adults for that matter but I will say that I hope for the best for you and your kids.
Perhaps the girlfriend will just go away but more than that...forgive me for saying this, but at some point, Dad must realize what is going on and how it impacts his children.
The absolute worst thing about this is when I hear these very words from my kids at different times and one away from the other "I don't like Dad at all" or " I can't tell Dad anything or talk to Dad about ____ because he will get mad or won't understand" That is why I try but I do believe he needs to know, it's just is hard to pick a way to approach it.
tagged... you're "it"
and I am not sure about the divorse thing... Its a tough call and really depends on the situation I think.
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