whew! I have realized through reading other people's blogs how incapable I am at expressing my inner feelings or thoughts with words. It is a struggle. I recognize when people can do it because when people express themselves clearly and interestingly, it strikes a cord in me. I have depth and I believe it is sizable. I just have such TROUBLE! with expressing it. My head swims with all the things that are in me. I am no dummy knowing words and understanding concepts but put me on a job of constructing a letter to nominate a colleague for an award and I am unable to finish a complete sentence or find the correct adjective. Just now I re-wrote that sentence 3 times before I went on to this one.
Can I chalk this up to not having college courses? I have an Agri-Business associate's degree. I didn't have much in the way of core classes so that means not a lot of "thinking" and "expressing" courses.
Can I blame it on environment? I didn't have parents that were introspective with themselves or me so I sorta missed out on developing it. My older sister left home when I was 12 and my brother wasn't much help even though he IS an introspective sort of guy. I didn't find the right people to align myself with when I went out on my own so because I chose the partier, nowhere people, I ended up with a deficit in my 20's. I stayed quiet and didn't usually voice my opinion or ask myself hard questions about who I was or what I wanted.
I have some moments of clarity of thought but they are rare and I believe alcohol was involved. But for the most part, I have to literally close my eyes and settle down and let the idea form. Concentrate. Something I have a hard time doing.
My friends said I should talk to the speech and pathology teacher here at school for pointers or to be evaluated for some problem. ( OH, I have problems alright!) I'm not banking on finding anything wrong. I think it's just a developement prob.
In the meantime, I'll cruise blogs and read some rocking expressive and introspective posts and look to answers on how to aleviate this shortfall. And look to the friends and siblings that are now a part of my life to hold comfortable and meaningful convos with exploring who they are and who I am.
Now I read this post and it is so not the revealing post I was after. It has none of my flair or charisma, none of my humor or crass, self-deprecating style. Geez! Pass the wine!
Can I chalk this up to not having college courses? I have an Agri-Business associate's degree. I didn't have much in the way of core classes so that means not a lot of "thinking" and "expressing" courses.
Can I blame it on environment? I didn't have parents that were introspective with themselves or me so I sorta missed out on developing it. My older sister left home when I was 12 and my brother wasn't much help even though he IS an introspective sort of guy. I didn't find the right people to align myself with when I went out on my own so because I chose the partier, nowhere people, I ended up with a deficit in my 20's. I stayed quiet and didn't usually voice my opinion or ask myself hard questions about who I was or what I wanted.
I have some moments of clarity of thought but they are rare and I believe alcohol was involved. But for the most part, I have to literally close my eyes and settle down and let the idea form. Concentrate. Something I have a hard time doing.
My friends said I should talk to the speech and pathology teacher here at school for pointers or to be evaluated for some problem. ( OH, I have problems alright!) I'm not banking on finding anything wrong. I think it's just a developement prob.
In the meantime, I'll cruise blogs and read some rocking expressive and introspective posts and look to answers on how to aleviate this shortfall. And look to the friends and siblings that are now a part of my life to hold comfortable and meaningful convos with exploring who they are and who I am.
Now I read this post and it is so not the revealing post I was after. It has none of my flair or charisma, none of my humor or crass, self-deprecating style. Geez! Pass the wine!
posted by Unknown at 1:43 PM
2 Comments:
lol... I think you are doing great. Just keep at it and use spell check... you cant really go wrong.
I do understand what you mean though. I am not a great technical writer(I just cant be literal it seems), but I can creatively write and express myself. I do often feel that my thoughts are spilling out onto my blogs sometimes so quickly that it must be what it is like to have ADHD!
Some of the best writers I know are alcoholics... I dont know if your link between expressing yourself better after a drink is off base at all! lol... I have the opposit problem... I cant seem to make anything make sense when I drink and blog! I have never done it here... but I have a private blog I do often just have a big ole cry fest in... no one reads it so who cares... right! lol
oh amen!!
I swear some of the bloggers out there have a degree in journalism and do it professionaly ;-)
I think you get your points across perfectly!
Post a Comment
<< Home