Sometimes you get what you need

Yes, It's Really Me

2011-12-31T07:54:00.003-06:00

I just commented on an ancient post by Lorraine about how Facebook has wooed us away from our blogs (some of us, anyway) and stolen our brains, resulting in the inability to manage more than 10 original words in a row. I speak for myself, of course. My blog's last entry is ancient. Far too much has transpired to mention. The good part is, nothing bad has happened- just good or normal stuff.
I hope it's the same with you all.
Maybe a quick run down of the year? Okay.
-No deaths
-No break-ups or divorces
-No bankruptcies
-A successful gardening year with bumper crops
- A fabulous boyfriend
-Successful school years for both J and E
-Continued employment
-Wonderful trips

Until next time, my friends.
-

2011-01-02T07:27:00.001-06:00

http://iwl.me/b/696f37bd
Check this site out. Analyzing your writing and compare it to great writers. Hysterical.
I compared two of my posts and found I wrote like Issac Asimov and Douglas Adams.

2010-12-19T07:08:00.002-06:00

Plodding along with dating and the search. Even though I say that I am enjoying the process so I can sound upbeat, it takes a lot of steam to continually find myself at "START" over and over. I am struggling with over thinking what it takes at times or find myself in a cynical dialogue with myself that thankfully doesn't last long. I think it is a mechanism to keep from getting any hopes up each meeting. Being my own coach is hard.
A guy I have been seeing and spending great time with is not a good long term candidate at all but the activities we share an interest in are so much fun together, I find myself reluctant to move on. There is comfort in having someone who fills some of the "relationship" bill.
He is quite the thinker and has a solid handle on who he is. What we have dealt with between the two of us has made me realize about how far I really have to go to be open and well-adjusted with my thought process in a relationship. Maybe 'honest with myself' would be a better way of stating it. In the end, what I hope to gain in knowing him is how to step back and analyze what is happening and deal with it honestly. Analytical I am not if I am in the middle of it. Once it's over or if it doesn't pertain to me, I am sharp as a tack. My emotions fiddle with my head.

2010-12-17T16:08:00.001-06:00

I told my daughter I wanted potting soil and vodka for Christmas. She asked me if I was making a dirty martini...

2010-12-17T05:49:00.001-06:00

It doesn't matter if the glass is half full or half empty. There is clearly more room for vodka.

2010-11-20T06:56:00.003-06:00

Yay! Camping in the most beautiful place on earth! Mark Twain National Forest. It should be a lovely couple of days. Can't wait for the fire, the music and the conversation. Hope my long johns do the trick, though. Since it's deer season, we won't be hiking which is a shame.

My dear daughter is doing well with her grades and much better with her anxiety. She is very slowly gaining some degree of connectivity with the campus life and her dorm companions, including her roomies. I'm proud of her for figuring out how to make the grades because she gains so much more confidence from seeing her accomplishments than if I just told her she was doing well.

Boy is so much fun to have around. I think I mentioned he is opening up about what is going on in his head and school. I don't even have to ask. He supplies the info. We got into a discussion yesterday morning just before school and I hated to leave before we finished it was that good and fun. He is also so much more lovey than I ever thought he would be.

Things seem to be good all around. This is where the family tradition of asking what's going to
go wrong comes in to play.

I miss Simon.

2010-11-04T18:33:00.003-05:00

I've noticed a lot of men who enjoy NASCAR and hot rods are online on the dating sites. I wonder if there is a correlation between their hobbies and their marriage status? -she said sarcastically.

Last Night

2010-10-30T08:13:00.003-05:00

I figure it could never happen again in a million years. One of those things that could never be planned to happen so perfectly.
Second meeting for this gentleman and myself. I went into the restaurant I was meeting my date at, figuring he was already inside. He was not but I was seated at our reserved table. It's a smallish restaurant with seating for maybe 75. Tables closely positioned to each other. He comes along and we begin to visit, tables beside us -like 2 feet away- bustle with couples chatting. It takes me a few moments to let go of my need to scoot away from their proximity. The couple to my right leaves and I breath more easily. We are snarfing our salads when the door opens and lo and behold, in walks my date from Wednesday night that I decided was not my cuppa tea and had shared that with. I froze. But then I breathed out a sigh of despair to which my date caught and understood immediately. I told him the situation and he giggled. To my horror, I calculated where my former date was going to sit since there were no other tables available.....You guessed it. He made his way behind the hostess to the table to my right, exactly two feet away from me. I didn't know what to do. It was so uncomfortable and I didn't know what was customary in this situation, more for the former date than my current date. My immediate reaction was to say hello but I wasn't sure under the circumstances how the former date would have been with that. My current date, Scott, just giggled quietly and whispered he was glad it was me and not him dealing with this. The former date, Mark, asked the hostess as quietly as he could if there was another available arrangement but of course there wasn't. I finally, after guzzling the rest of my Chianti, leaned over and said hello and asked about the possible chances of all this. He just smiled and asked how I was and that was that. We ignored each other after that effectively. His date arrived after all that, so it saved him some uncomfortable moments, I would wager to say. Maybe I shouldn't have been that uncomfortable but I just felt so guilty?...Exposed?
My dating experiences have been mostly uneventful, with this and one other exception. It was when I decided I was going to try meeting two guys in one day, having made the dates hours apart. We were only meeting for a drink and to chat. It seemed logical to try it. The snag was when the first date and I found the place we were meeting at was closed. He wanted to go to, of all places, the place I was meeting my second date. It seemed fine since it appeared we would have more than enough time to visit and be done before the second meeting time. There was NOT enough time after all. My second date came in an hour earlier and sat RIGHT behind my first date. I was horrified. I couldn't concentrate on my first date and was more than obviously distracted trying not to be distracted. I also ran into confusion on how to get #1 out the door without leaving myself. We finally called it done and I told him I was heading to the bathroom. I stayed in there for at least 10 minutes, hoping # 1 was gone and he was... I never heard from him again. Big surprise. This was all witnessed by #2. He never said a thing. We chatted and he didn't act like it was any big deal. I had a hard time recovering from it all. He had few teeth in his head, however so I guess I was secretly not too worried about making an impression with him (It can be a serious problem when prospective dates are chosen by words and not profile pictures with a grin) He was crazy too.

I wonder if I can find a blog that just posts people's hazardous dating stories.....I would like to compare.

It Ain't Much

2010-10-25T19:18:00.002-05:00

Everyday I chuckle inside (and sometimes out loud) when I hear what some of those Kindergartners say to each other. I love them but am glad when I get to leave for lunch!

I had a much appreciated and well-timed invitation extended to me that made my day. Thanks, AM! I love the idea. Will have to work on it for this next summer.

I am totally boring right now. Nothing new, nothing awesome. Missing people that have moved on in different ways. I am not depressed or upset. Feeling pretty good. I miss my old set of blogger friends and I know the best way to fix that is to close my Facebook account because it distracts me r from visiting and reading their blogs. I think I'll do just that.

I'm dating and let me just say, when it rains, it pours. Nothing for weeks and then, BAM! Too many to really keep up with. I just have to figure out a way to string the dates out a little more when there are multiple suitors. I haven't gone out with each one more than once but there are three that are definitely worth a second meet. I'm sure it wont last at this rate....
But, as a good friend told me just lately about possible suitors- men are like buses. If you miss one, another will be along shortly. He was a guy too.

Last recipe from the garden produce? Green tomato relish. It's has a slight Mexican flair with added cilantro, jalapenos and cumin. I think used as a salsa or mixed into any kind of wrap or on nachos will work. I plan on trying it on grilled hamburgers first though.

Ciao!

A Smattering

2010-09-29T05:53:00.002-05:00

Ahh, Fall- a two-edged sword. Love the cool, crispness but hate the dwindling sunlight and daylight. I feel like I am taking on more reptilian needs as I get older since my favorite thing is the sun. After June 21st, I feel under the gun to make the most of the summer because daylight hours start getting shorter. I can always hear my dad pointing that out every year. I don't know if he was happy about it or sad like me. Probably happy in the later years since it would be closer to bringing the farming year to a close.

J's drum major career in field marching is about to start on Saturday. I am pretty proud of him. Thankfully it is not required of him to wear a meat dress or something equally unusual. I love his original salute to the judges that the band is ready to take the field. What a ham.

Girly is doing better at college. She is still dating the boy from high school which is causing her to view her week as something to get through so she can get home to him. Even though I like the kid, I wish they were not together. I know she feels very insecure about being on her own too, on campus and in the city. That is the biggest hurdle for her. It will take time.

Keeping on the dating circuit. Must. Not. Give. Up.

Apple Festival '10

2010-09-12T07:23:00.006-05:00

One more festival down in the history books. Weather was bad with tons of rain until Saturday morning and then BEAUTY! Cool, sunny and dry. There was the need for straw to be spread over muddy places in the craft tents which wreaked havoc on my breathing part so I sit here coughing as I type. Never knew I had allergies.
J is the high school drum major- did I mention that in an earlier post?- so he led the band in the parade and at the concert. I was really proud. He did a great job. Their field marching show is Lady Ga Ga songs and they played all of those at the concert.

E has moved to the university in Springfield to start classes and as you can see by these move -in pics, she is stressed. She was in no mood for me to snap these. She has been there three weeks now and is doing much better adjusting.

2010-08-31T13:26:00.006-05:00

Feeling pretty upbeat lately. Things are smoothing out and I guess I can let my self feel a bit of optimism. Not particularly over any one thing- just overall.
Erin is in school and has managed to get through the first week and begin the second week. Just had lunch with her- a first mother/daughter/university lunch. I was playing hooky today to be in town so I met her. She is so timid, it's just hard for me to relate to. I don't recall having the same kinds of issues she faces every day. But I try hard to let her know I care about what she is trying to work out and that I am trying my best to help her sort it out. It takes a lot of energy and time to talk her through a problem, such as if she should try to move to the original dorm she wanted in but didn't get in, if she should continue to rely on an older college friend who has reached out to Erin as a help or less important things like what she should do about eating alone in the cafeteria. That is one thing I don't like about myself. I want to tell her to get over it, deal with it or otherwise, handle it herself. I almost say that when I hit a wall and then I stop myself and make myself continue. The worst thing I can think of is to end up with a daughter who thinks I don't care about her completely. On the other side of the coin, she should be handling these things on her own and not relying on my opinion. I'm trying to wean her off of my opinion and make her own choices.

Weird but I made a list of things I hate while waiting at my appointment.
Ironing. Hate it with a passion. My mom started me on pillow cases and hankies when I was small and okay, they were easy, right? Square pieces of fabric- cotton fabric. A little steam, a little spray starch- BAM! done! Then I graduated to my jeans and shirts, not too bad but not fun. Now I have stuff like khakis and capris that need an iron job to look presentable as well as button up shirts with Lycra and cotton or rayon and cotton. What a waste of time and talk about a mondo hot flash while ironing. Sheesh.
Im going to lump sewing in here too. I. Hate. Sewing. I understand I might have gone naked (not pretty) when I was younger if my mother hadn't sewn but just don't ask me to whip something out. I even resent having to sew on a button when it comes off. Why is it so hard for those sweatshop folks to use more than 2 mm of thread to attach a button? (JK about the sweatshop comment, not the 2mm of thread, BTW. Don't send me hate) My Home Economics teacher in 7th and 8th grade hated me which may be related to my major dislike of the craft. She may have had a good reason. I own up to the fact I told her she was teaching the wrong way to assemble something during our sewing unit- can't remember the garment. I had told my mom about my project and she commented it was going together wrong and I promptly told the teacher. I wasn't brilliant, you know. Everything else I did in the class was looked down on and graded poorly. I got back at her and left a mangled snake on her chair at the end of the year. I often wonder if she knew it was me?. hehe.

One unrelated-to- domesticity job I would like to remove from my daily schedule is lunch duty. I maaayyy have mentioned this before. IT SUCKS! Although I would say so far this year the fifth grade, who is the least-liked group for lunch teachers and who I have to oversee, has been pretty nice. It's early yet and they could turn ugly in the blink of an eye. Usually they come back from vacation changed already. I'll go out on a limb and say this group of fifth graders seem in control. Oh, God! Why did I put that out into the universe!? I had them in lunch duty as third graders and they were all right then, too. I just think the fact we have to watch over kids while they eat their lunch is crazy. How do they think these kids will ever manage to control themselves if they aren't expected to be good? Another thing is, the teachers used to have to eat in the lunch room and if someone was behaving badly, they were called down. Nobody would ever consider throwing pickles around or filling a section of their plate with enough ketchup to drown a horse. Now the teachers are allowed to eat in their classrooms so now no one but us lunchroom jailers are in the cafeteria to watch behavior. That's a waste of my time I could be using for instruction. That's the real issue here to me. I like the kids, honestly. No, really!
Last thing I hate is to replace the empty toilet paper roll. Why the h-e-double hockey sticks is it me that ends up changing it so often? I must be more of a frequent visitor or maybe I just lose track of how many days it's been. The only upside to it is I am aware of the tp supply so we rarely run low before we are stocked up again.
All right, that's a wrap of the list items. Not too bad- only four things. Check back late soon for the list of things I love to do.

Something I should have said publicly many years ago when Shia LeBeouf was still on the show Even Stevens is...he is going to be a popular actor someday. (I think I said it to my niece and nephew) I am not sure about his range really and he may not end up being too great but he certainly hasn't disappeared like many child stars do. That was just a passing thought...

Additional job I'm adding to the list now totaling five: Adding trimmer line to the spool on the weed-eater. Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!
Okay, that's all I got!

Spoutings from My Brain

2010-08-28T07:55:00.002-05:00

It's so dry here. I am not watching the weather anymore so I don't have to hear or see anything that says 'drought'. My water bill was huge but still manageable. I've begun to take over the watering at the school gardens since they weren't getting done. Things are in bad shape. The temperatures have backed off to a very pleasant 55 degrees at night and a beautiful 85 degrees during the sunny dry days. It's made for some lovely moon-filled nights. When the moon is full and it's still, I would love to be outside but alas, I like my sleep too much.

My daughter completed her first week of college and lived to tell about it. She arrived home and spent a few hours with us- eating and laundering- and then moved on to the other household she lives at- the boyfriend's house- not to be seen again. I know she is home since her bedroom door is closed. She apparently came in during the night...

My mother is visiting for the first time since E graduated. I think there is shopping in my future.

I completed my first full week back to work. My butt was kicked. I fell asleep in my chair at 8 pm last night and struggled to wake up the rest of the evening. Finally my mom went to bed and I didn't even know when. I made up the couch bed and promptly fell asleep until 7 this morning. (I know you were waiting for me to share my sleeping habits, right?)

One thing that irks me about school this year, although I can understand it- we have a filter that will allow us access with a warning but logs us as we travel around the internet. The word from administration is not to go to anything but the school email site because there is too much personal internet usage during instructional time. They are gunning for us. As far as understanding- I have found co-workers on Facebook and other sites while the kids are doing independent work. So, I don't get online at all during school . That's quite a change from my summer routine.

Later, dudes...

Certainties

2010-08-23T06:53:00.002-05:00

This house is going to take some getting used to with one occupant missing.
The boy is going to miss his sister while she is away at college, no matter what he says or how he acts.
I'm going to miss her for the same reason.
The utilities MAY cost me less (once this heat wave/drought is over).
There is an extra bed- maybe I should consider boarders- who have to leave while she comes home to visit- that might put a crimp in how well that boarder idea works.
No more having someone ick out over what the meal is- J will eat anything and not complain....much.
Crap, I don't have a designated driver anymore.

Re-Post

2010-08-04T15:24:00.000-05:00

I thought this was good enough to put up again.

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine.. and those who don't.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom,
in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials,
scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day,
at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of
Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we
are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila,
rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a
purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water
and be full of shit .

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it
as a public service

Attention: Santa

2010-08-02T09:11:00.003-05:00

Greeny's Christmas Wish List:
leaf blower
electric hedge trimmer
recipe for neighbor's incessantly barking dog

2010-07-26T14:07:00.002-05:00

My blog is a mess. The blog roll on the side has some inaccurate links I've never fixed, it's still the same old background, I haven't posted in forever, I haven't commented in forever and I haven't added any new links or ..Geez, I can't even remember the terminology to describe it.

There was some scientific study I just heard about recently that talked about a person's
facebook page resembling their personality. I'm thinking my blog reveals my personality.
Why, you ask, am I always talking about my problems, my personality, my depressions, my need to be noticed?! Glad you ask.
I'm just self-centered and in my own little egotistical world. I like to talk about myself, explain myself, have people comment on my...self. That's it in a nutshell. Nut is right, you say.

It goes back to when I was a child and nobody wanted to hear anything from me, or at least that's the way it seemed to me. I never talked with anyone. No healthy conversations, no talks about fears, questions about boys, questions about girls (!), thoughts on the future or past. I didn't have close friends for a long time, my sister was gone and married when I might have broken out of my shell, my brother was rather condescending, my parents were mad busy keeping us fed and housed, no grandparents left.

I know I'm fine, really. I was just writing in a stream of consciousness.
I do know I grew up with communication gaps because I was so much younger than my sibs and had some kind of weird thought process that led me to believe I didn't matter much. All in my head.
But my blog is a mess, don't you agree?

4th of July Destination

2010-06-30T10:50:00.001-05:00

Michigan- more to the point, White Lake.

2010-06-27T15:15:00.002-05:00

I am really in need of clarification of myself and my life, my misunderstandings of myself and life in general. See? Even that whole sentence was confusing...Confused and dazed. That's what I am and after most of my difficult times, I have had to "reset". This time is no different.
Anyway, I am reading as much as I can get my hands on to deal with my confusion. I know I will be all right and this will be a growing point for me. It just feels bad and I want to hurry up and feel better. I know I can't.
Something pretty mind-boggling was what I read earlier here http://www.bspcn.com/2009/02/01/how-to-deal-with-being-dumped/
It deals with love. Love of one's self and of another. I printed it off and plan on rereading it until it is memorized.
Many parts of it make complete sense but the part that is so amazing to me is this-

"Within the depths of our souls, we are all connected by this unifying and essential energy of life – love. We occasionally experience glimpses of this deep connection through various and accidental happenstances, such as:

A gratifying and intimate conversation with another person. Sharing and expressing your thoughts honestly and openly.
Creative expressions such as playing music, writing, drawing, dancing, cooking, designing or even computer programming.
Meditation, prayers or communing with your chosen religious group.
Communing with nature during a hike, a walk or while sitting by the bed of a river flowing beautifully in front of you.
During sexual orgasm (The Dalai Lama has written about this.)

When we fall in love with another person, we are essentially experiencing the love that was within us all along. The person is merely acting like a mirror reflecting our soul back at us. Technically, we can’t “fall” in love, because we are already made of love. The other person, much like a musical instrument, is the catalyst allowing us to recognize the beauty that’s already within us.

Because of our lack of understanding that love resides within us, and that we actually have the power to invoke it on our own, we credit it to the other person for giving love to us. This feeling is so strong and extraordinary, that we become addictive and possessive. We want to capture it and keep it fixed, so that we can – at last – keep this heightened feeling forever.The desire and dependency to keep this form fixed, becomes a source of self identification that artificially justifies who we are as physical beings. We become attached to the fixed idea of how our relationship should go and our ego quickly becomes the main investor in this fund of a relationship.The truth is that, everyone and everything is in a constant flow of change. The changes in us and in our external circumstances are inevitable and undeniable. When we change, the dynamics of our relationships change – not just romantic ones, but also friendships, family ties, and our relationships with co-workers.Over time, some relationships strengthen and some grow apart. When people grow apart, it doesn’t mean that either one of them was a bad person, but rather that they’ve learned all that they needed to from the other person, and that it’s time to move on.When it’s time to move on, we hold onto this invisible box that contains an idealized and fixated form of how things should be. We unconsciously and instinctively fall into the false believe that we must stop the love when we are no longer romantically involved.Because we attribute love as being ‘to’ this other person external to us, pain happens when we forcefully try to kill the love, which is actually within us.

Let’s repeat: Pain happens when we forcefully kill the love that’s within us. "

A New Day

2010-05-24T08:31:00.004-05:00

"The Shift" happened right after she switched her tassel from left to right (or was it right to left?).
My first born is now a college freshman. She seemed so serene for which I am relieved. I don't think I could have handled her in an emotional turmoil very well.
My family all came to see her walk and it was a wonderful, warm- fuzzies day for us all.

Travel Info, Please

2010-04-21T05:44:00.002-05:00

The High School Band is headng to NYC May 28th. We will be staying until June 1st. Time will be spent seeing the Broadway show "In the Heights" and the Blue Man Group, Times Square touring, Rockefeller Center touring, China Town and Little Italy. They will be performing on Liberty Island our last day there. Perhaps with nice weather we will see some of Central Park (we have a four- hour window). If weather is bad, perhaps the Metropolitan (yes!). Any restaurants or places you all would recommend not missing? Perhaps a falafel stand? Don't forget, our budget is meager.

Im looking forward to the trip since I haven 't been that far north and east before. I only have issues with the bus trip and subsequent overbearing adults that will be present. Thankfully, my hotel room mates are some of the well-behaved. I shall be hunting for heavy-duty ear plugs and "happy" medications to take with me.

2010-03-30T16:49:00.002-05:00

I joined the Y's book club, meeting once a month. You know the formula.
Our first book was The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks. I am not a fan of sweet books like that as a rule.
Our next selection will be My Heart Remembers by Kim Vogel Sawyer and then for May we read The Shack by William P. Young. I think of the two, Ill enjoy the second best.

Anyone read any of these books?

Im dating a guy, just a guy. He is smart and witty and a couple years younger than me. I don't think that makes me a cougar, does it? Please say it doesn't.

Offspring Updates

2010-02-24T19:27:00.004-06:00

High school Homecoming was this past Friday night. Here is E with her guy- he is so cute and such a nice guy. Yes, there is a big diff in height but he is such a good guy it doesn't even matter to her. They are two grades apart but only one year in age. I didn't think that when Slim left for college, she would ever find someone here to date but K is a wonderful guy and she is lucky to have someone so decent.

J went to an "Ugly Prom" lately as a Rick Astley look-alike. Now, unfortunately, with so many compliments of how much he looked like Rick, J decided he should add this ensemble to his normal school wardrobe. Fortunately, he didn't add the hairdo to it.
He is however growing his hair out and when I say growing it out, I mean REALLY growing it out. I just had him get an inch cut off and it is still crazy big. He enjoys playing the cowbell in pep band each home game while he "head bangs" letting the hair make a statement. It's made him a celeb of sorts, with people stopping him in McDonalds and other places to ask if he is the kid playing cowbell at the games. Part of that is because of the hair and part is the dancing he does along with the playing. He won the most spirited student award during Homecoming, winning $25. Even the officials were asking the band director about him. Crazy.
He has a plan for the hair. He is hoping to sell quadrants of his head- 4 in all- for $25 each and those who purchase can choose what he does or they want to do to that portion of hair. I don't think, short of burning it off, he will say no to anything. The money goes into his NYC trip fund for this May. That, my friends, is guts.

Obvious Trend You Might Recognize

2010-02-06T18:46:00.003-06:00

I found some interesting advice on a subject I'm mulling over. Am I too picky? I haven't been through nearly enough men to pick one out. I know it takes a bunch before any rise to the surface for consideration (see?-even that sounded snooty).
Bottom line- compromise. I don't know the perfect balance of compromise. I suppose it will have to be a careful consideration and not a snap decision, huh?
Maybe I should read this.
I keep looking around me and seeing men with women and wondering "how did they decide on each other? What drew them together and what is their story? Surely I can do this. "

This is the short little article.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/dating-advice-7-mistakes-single-women-make-580573/

More On the Subject

2010-02-04T06:34:00.002-06:00

I found this article this morning while searching. It is powerful but so commonsensical.

-Some men become attracted to women who intimidate them. It could be because of her physical presence, because of her intelligence, or even because she showered attention on him when it was desperately needed. He feels the need to be with her despite feeling inadequate. And in some cases, he feels that she will complete him as a man.

But, the outcome of that interaction generally leads to one thing; his becoming vulnerable and submissive to a woman who he considers his superior. At that point, he'll do anything that he feels will make her happy. Whether it makes him happy or not.

What he has become is a human doormat. Someone who is walked on and taken advantage of because he lacks the backbone, and more importantly, the self-esteem to be on equal footing in the relationship. He has allowed himself to become subservient to the woman or the relationship, and has placed himself in a position from which it is difficult to recover.

Falling in love is the emotional response to a physical stimulus that begins with an initial attraction. Unfortunately, too many couples attempt to build relationships based solely on what initially attracted them to each other, but fail to see beyond the surface and into the core of the individual.

Most women want a man in their lives who embody the qualities of strength, stability, honesty, and emotional sensitivity. They want a man who is able to make decisions, but is capable of making them feel a part of the decision making process. Women want love, and compassion, to be swept off of their feet, but respected for their own individuality.

Most of all, they want security. They want to feel secure in the knowledge that they are physically and emotionally safe because the man in their lives is capable of handling almost any situation. When a woman uncovers shortcomings, she both loses a level of respect, and feels that she has to compensate for those shortcomings.

At that point, the doormat becomes someone who is there simply to fulfill some of that woman's needs. He can't be depended upon to fully take charge of a situation, but he may provide stability in other areas that make him too important to abandon completely. Generally, that area is as a financial enabler.

The best relationships are nurtured into partnerships. Each person brings certain strengths into the relationship that compliment the other's shortcomings. They share open lines of communication, and are able to work together toward the favorable resolution of any challenges. There is a mutual respect for each other, and neither partner considers the other any greater or any less important to the relationship.

Doormats are either shaken or beaten until they are of no more use. Who would ever want to feel that way in a relationship?

2010-02-01T16:45:00.002-06:00

So give me some thoughts on this subject, people.
Hypothetically, would you say an hour of conversation with a guy would be adequate to decide if he was someone you'd like to spend time with again or is that not adequate? If you got a fairly strong idea of what he was like from really listening to what he was saying, would you go with that?

2010-01-27T06:12:00.003-06:00

You know what they say about the length of skirts in the fashion world rising or falling indicating how bad national economics are? The better we fare, the longer the skirts, the worse we fare, the shorter the skirts become?
I have an indicator for my stress level. The more stress I am under, the skinnier I get. The more settled I am, the fatter I become. In times past, I was pudgy or resembling a concentration camp inmate depending on what was going on in my life. Ive got pictures so don't argue.
At the beginning of December, I had a challenge to my mental stability, pretty much in my head but perception is reality, right? Anyway, I was in a constant state of upset so I didn't eat much. Nothing tasted good and even though I was hungry, I didn't eat. I worked constantly cleaning and organizing at home, not setting down for long at all before I was up again. I worked out at home. Then I started working out at the Y as well. Things began to settle the middle of this month and even though I am feeling much better, I am still heading to the Y every morning except Sunday to walk the treadmill at 9 and a half percent incline and use 10 lb free weights. I have found its not so bad to go that early in the morning even though I have always avoided the Y in the mornings. My usual outside walk doesn't compare to the treadmill since I can't find any hills in town to kick my butt with. My metabolism has apparently been kicked into gear too. I feel better but that was the case in November. That sluggish feeling Ive had for a few years had started to dissipate.
So anyway, Im in better shape all because of this incident in December. No resolutions. No diets although I am eating healthy stuff when I eat.
Just stress to kick start me. Crazy. I think I can maintain this level of exercise too at least for a while.

2010-01-22T08:05:00.002-06:00

My co-worker and I get a day off (of sorts). We accompany the group of elementary students that have managed to get in 100% of their homework turned in. Pizza and video games in Springfield for the day. It will be a nice change of pace from our normal routine of not leaving our classroom all day because we have a steady stream of remedial students through our doors. On average she and I help between 30 and 40 students with math or communication arts in a day. It's a load.

It's time to fill out apps for student aid and scholarships for E. She is already taking a college algebra class in school and she scored a 30 on her ACT which is fabulous since it qualifies her for all tuition paid at the university in Springfield. Yay! We have some other local scholarships she will apply for and hopefully things will look peachy- even more so than now.

J has a gig with the pep band every home game and he has managed a celebrity status because of it. He plays cowbell. People are coming up to him in public, recognizing that he is the cowbell player in the band. I just witnessed his shtick last night first hand. Let me tell you, the boy expends some major energy. Ive never seen a white boy with a head of hair like his, head bag like that. I can't even describe it. Maybe YouTube will have a video of it soon.

Have a good day and an even better weekend.

I Struggle, Therefore I Am

2010-01-16T18:44:00.003-06:00

Does anyone one of you ever feel like you are a sham, a joke of an adult, a chameleon and ready to be what people want you to be? Do you feel like you are the weirdest person alive or that you have let too much of your life pass you by without finding what you are really made of?
Do any of you worry that if put to the test and given real problems to handle, you would fail miserable and cower in fear in the nearest closet?
Do you feel deeply alone in the universe and move among people like you are an outsider, masking that with a facade of belonging? Even though you know you have connections with the people you love and count as family and friends, you still feel alone?

Yeah, me neither....much.

It's Been A Week

2010-01-14T16:24:00.003-06:00

Magnet my children bought me long ago-

You'll know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off

On a Cold Blustery Day, Nothing Satisfies Like Viewing the Past

2010-01-07T06:52:00.003-06:00

After Anne and Mom posted snippets of their past year's posts, I decided to read some of my own posts from years past. What I was reminded of was delightful and thought-provoking comments from my good blogger buddies. Some of you are still around thankfully and some are long gone. I miss posting (having something relevant to say) and have to admit, my posts weren't as topical and low-brow as I usually viewed them.
I miss Natas/Otis and Iamnot, Kate and Jetpass. Hope they are well and enjoying themselves.
I decided to re-post something from the past from Natas.

Life's rules according to nataS?

1. Life is difficult.
2. Perception is reality.
3. Change is the toughest thing a human being can do.
4. You can never change another human being; you can only change yourself. Once you change, they change, but you cannot change them.
5. I am responsible for everything I do and say. I am not responsible for your response.
6. The future and the past are seldom as good or as bad as we anticipate or remember.
7. Nobody has a squeaky-clean psyche.
8. The only thing that lasts forever is...Now.

courtesy of Dr. Friday

Happy New Year My Friends

2009-12-31T06:07:00.003-06:00

I am in awe of the flight of time. Here I sit again wishing good things to you for the new year. It blows my mind that it is already time to do it again. Even though I look to the future more than I look to the past, waking up and finding a whole year has frittered away makes me uncomfortable. I don't want the passage of time to accelerate. Aw, yeah, it's inevitable but that doesn't make me embrace it. In fact, I am fighting a feeling of suffocation with the loss of time. Sort of like one might feel when in a submerged car and water starting to rise in the cab. Guess it's time to find some words to comfort me and help me deal with this angst.

On a lighter note, there are many things to look towards in this coming year.
If everything goes as planned, my daughter will graduate from high school. I watched a PBS show last night on teen girls and growing up. One of the girls profiled was a Mexican American who graduated high school with honors and was on the road to college. It made me ball just watching her commencement so I believe I might have to medicate so I don't lose it a E's graduation. And she will be moving on to college which I am so excited for her experience.

My son will graduate eighth grade and have a commencement program which isn't as serious as the seniors but still be pretty emotional. He is going to jazzed about being out of the clutches of the middle school principal and on to the more forgiving atmosphere of high school. (heehee, that's funny to say- that high school is easier than middle school but I mean only the setting is more relaxed, the work definitely isn't). I think he will bloom even more than this year.

The band will travel to New York City to perform and visit for a few days in May. I suppose Ill be choosing to stay behind and fund E's wisdom tooth extraction instead of hitting NYC with them. I know the kids are looking forward to the awesome trip.

I will get to go to Michigan for the 4th of July trip. That makes me happy just thinking about being on the pontoon with a fishing pole in my hands.

What are things you are looking towards in the coming year?

Happy New Year with the best wishes I can possible send you all.

2009-12-30T11:45:00.007-06:00

We ate, drank and slept far to often. As usual, we had a blast.

Wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

2009-12-23T05:35:00.002-06:00

Greeny is out of the building.
Heading to my mom's for our festivities.
Merry Christmas to all.

Please Pass the Clarity

2009-12-22T06:11:00.005-06:00

Pondering the meaning of some situations Im involved in.

Why is it so easy to see things so straight when it comes to other people's lives and events but for my own, it is like looking through muddy water? I guess letting my intuition help would be the best. I like things clearly stated and if it's not, I read things in that may or may not be intended. I have a big imagination too but I do manage not to fly off the handle with my assumptions in too wild a way most instants.
This is all surrounding the dating game, btw. I have never been this nervous! When I decided to jiggle the bait again, I felt pretty confident in my self and reasons for beginning again. One person and Im a basket case. Most well-adjusted people would say to this situation-" Okay, things are looking kinda hinky so this isn't going to work between us" and it's dropped. Onward and upward. But I see potential, allowing myself to respond with my whole person to this man, I find myself intrigued and attracted to the whole package.
So answer me this. When do you shut off the heart and go with just what the head says?

Btw, Im not desperate. Ive been alone for a long while and feel fine about spending more time that way.

Hautedog Couture

2009-12-09T19:50:00.007-06:00

My old wool camping sweater becomes -viola`! a cold dog's outerwear. Harriet seemed to feel very happy in her new sleek body sock.

2009-12-06T15:50:00.002-06:00

Begin and begin again and so on and so on. Decipher, consider, ponder words, look for warning signs but above all, be myself.
Exhausting, nerve wracking, often fun.
The ball is his court now.

2009-12-05T08:18:00.003-06:00

Green fingers are the extension of a verdant heart -Russell Page.

I found that while searching for some plant culture info on a beautiful landscaping site. I thought about my green fingers and my verdant heart except verdant also means 'inexperienced' 'unsophisticated'.
I am not completely inexperienced but I may have a few sophistication issues. I've got the "naive" part licked at least.
I prefer 'lush' , 'flourishing' or 'fresh'. Yeah, lets go with that.

The kids march in our Christmas parade tonight. I like the evening Christmas parades since it actually can stamp out my bah- humbug mood that generally prevails during Christmas.

After that....a date.

Underclothes Shopping Or How To Become Depressed In One Easy Step

2009-11-26T06:38:00.003-06:00

Yes, people, it happened. I had to guzzle brown liquor in an attempt to dull the burning disgust in my head after it was all done.
The call of the underwear drawer contents was plenty audible -yeah, it was a cacophony of jeers and protests I could not ignore any longer. So I was out to do what had to be done.
I strode to the aisles of beautiful, albeit maximally plumped push-ups, demis and full-coverage with or without under wires, padding or not, smooth satin or lace-covered, hot pink to leopard printed, polka dotted to pure white. And those matching panties! Beautiful. I was happy and feeling pretty confident with the wide array to choose from and time on my side. No children, no place to be other than right here.
So I began gathering, on the hunt for the size, the style and the colors that I was drawn to. Move away from the Juniors side, move away from the full coverage for fuller chests. With racks (no pun intended) that are over- stuffed (again- npi), wrangling with the hangers, searching for the illusive size that the color-coded tags seem to never offer up and unintentionally tangling and pulling off bras in the process, a slight irritation grows. Finally with an armful, I head to the dressing room and begin the first try-out session.
Im going to wrap this up all nice and tidy by saying that real estate I once thought I owned, continually surveyed and admired, has succumbed to a natural disaster for which there is no amount of Army Corp of Engineers or National Guard help. Instead of being worn away by erosion, things have been deposited in the most unpleasant places.
It's a very old story, really, unavoidable but none -the-less distressing. A smack in the face and women of my age everywhere have the same story, Ill bet. I'm not alone but that doesn't help, somehow. All this silliness having been written, the bra size and style I once was able to buy off the rack if I chose to is a thing of the past. Now it's mandatory to try and retry both style and size a dozen times to find one bra. Landmarks that should be one place are now in another and there are...excesses- that change the terrain unpleasantly.
Siiigggghh. I did manage to find very nice additions for the northern and southern hemispheres but the pain and angst I now suffer from has ruined me a little.

Don't feel sorry for me, really!

2009-11-24T06:03:00.002-06:00

We have school today and then we are granted a full Wednesday out before Thanksgiving. How nice of our district!
I will be spending this Thanksgiving Day alone for the first time ever. It made sense to because the kids need to spend some extra time with their dad and since they will be home on Friday from his house, I didn't want to travel over to my Mom's and come straight back to get them on the weekend. I decided to stay here, work on my Christmas gifts while they were gone and take off to my Mom's with them on Friday. September was the last time we were all home.

Anyone have a suggestion for Thanksgiving dinner for one?

More later.

2009-11-12T19:44:00.003-06:00

This photo was taken at one of the marching festivals.
Erin is second from the right of the shortest tuba, top row
Jack is the rude Frenchman 5th from left, bottom row.
Their show was music from the show Spam-A-Lot. I think I mentioned that a while back.

Thursday- Feeling Like Saturday

2009-11-12T07:23:00.004-06:00

Taking a mental health day today and enjoying as much outside time as possible. When I walked into school on Tuesday, I felt oppression which isn't normal, as I usually can wait until spring for such feelings to surface. I think those feelings stem from the fact my co-worker and I rarely leave our room during the day, lunch with each other (a measly 20 minutes) and host a continuous stream of pesky, work -avoiding kids that don't seem to make reasonable attempts to change. They don't care that they are missing recess- amazing!

Im still digging strawberries out if my garden for transplant to my friend, Andrea's where our fruit garden is. I never got them transplanted this spring to our raised beds out there because...there were no raised beds constructed! We managed to get one constructed and I mixed the soil for it and transplanted some strawberries but I have probably three hundred new plants that grew in my garden last year and set runners. I still have at least a hundred new starts to dig even now. Soooo, thats on my agenda.
I also decided to deconstruct my two flubby raised beds in my front yard that have been taken over by either tansy or northern sea oats. I would like to neaten up my yard with some shapely beds, incorporating some perennials and shrubs from other places in my yard and replanting those holes with a single variety of shrub. I have planted willy nilly. I doubt that will start today but it's on my mind.

This Week's Activities, God Permitting

2009-11-09T06:45:00.002-06:00

70 degree days, a walk that doesn't freeze my you- know- what off, bike rides, the band banquet this evening, Fall Festival (okay, that's not that great but still), work in the garden that doesn't require a pair of hip waders and mud boots, patio time.
It's about bloody time we have some fall weather!

2009-11-01T18:57:00.007-06:00

Halloween and three of my peeps surfaced to help hand out candy. One brought her hubby which was cool because he brought the bottle of Crown Royal , which I had just put down on my Christmas list. He didn't read my Christmas list because he took the balance of the bottle home. I think she may have packed it up actually, as they had come over after attending her Grandma's funeral. I think she might have needed the evening and the bottle of CR for later.

One had her hubby show up with his best friend, who got rather irritated with our teachery, liberal stance on a few topics of conversation.

One came as a tired, cranky 50 year old woman. That could have been any of us.
More were invited but one just had surgery and she wasn't up for it and others had previous activities planned. One showed up even though I wished she hadn't with a very sick child who, it turned out today was diagnosed with bacterial pneumonia. NOT smart at all.

I dressed sort of BeetleGeuse-esque and Mother Nature.

What were you all doing on Halloween?

2009-10-27T06:02:00.002-05:00

Posts have been few and far between here. Ive been on no rant or found much of anything relevant to comment on or bring to anyone's attention. My job and the kids are taking a lot of my time, I know. I'm feeling pretty boring and am in the process of "brightening" myself up so I can troll for suitors again. It's been a few years and I think a change of scenery would help me feel lively again. Time is fleeting...

This incessant rain has my spirits down, too. Is this how Seattlites feel?!

Marching season is done for the kids. I have yet to post any pics of them but I will. The last competition they were to perform in was canceled because of- YOU GUESSED IT! rain. Have you ever seen football on a muddy field? Marching on a muddy field is crazy looking and the uniform cleaning bill is ridiculous.

Figuring on having the girls over for our Halloween get-together. Our normal hostess who is a nut for Halloween and goes all out with decorations and food is living out of town until her house is built. We have to have it here close by so we can wobble home easily after festivities. I am the obvious candidate. I've got some decorating to do.

Work is calling. Ciao!

2009-10-15T10:00:00.002-05:00

A post from last year but really helpful ideas and reminders for me. Ive done well with #2 and #3. Im really hard on myself when it comes to knowing if I've managed to do #4 adequately. #1- meh, not too good with that. I am honest and don't gossip very often but the part about saying what I mean is troublesome. I do have a habit of working to only say good or constructive things.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. -I think of the people who I admire and when they speak, its after a pause to reflect what it is they want to say. That old adage of "think before you speak".

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. -Ok, really useful if I'd understood that concept a long time ago. And I try to help the kids with this as well, reminding them when someone is hateful directly to them, no telling what else is are has gone on in their lives to cause them to lash out. Understanding some can take some of the sting out of the meaness.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life. -Simple and oh, so helpful to have learned this years ago. There was much more to this agreement than just the communication encouragement.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. -When I read this agreement in the book, I thought "how stupid! How can we expect to do our best when we many times don't have it in us?" But it manages to take the pressure off by the next few sentences and then it does make sense.

Anyway, as they say, these are guiding principals we can use on a daily basis if it helps flesh out existing principals we live with. I'm pretty much a "do unto others" kinda gal but but I need more.

2009-10-10T06:26:00.002-05:00

The kids are competing today in a field marching competition. J was asked to join h. s. band along with 9 other above average 8th graders, to help flesh out the band. It's been successful for him allowing him to join up with E and her crowd and his own little harem of friends in a positive way. The music for the show is from Spam-A-Lot, which, as you all know is from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail", one of the family's favorite. J gets to start the show in character as the Rude Frenchman. I think he as a future in theater.

Other news is sparse. You'll have to come round another day for more.

Ciao.

Ta-Da!

2009-10-07T06:36:00.001-05:00

It's my berfday. Sing to me.

2009-10-05T06:25:00.003-05:00

Someone once related a story to me about moving to a town in the Yukon Territory. He was driving along through this amazing scenery (that phrase is dull compared to what he was seeing) when he topped a peak and lay eyes on a scene so achingly beautiful, he cried.
I understood exactly what he felt because when I am in the woods or even driving through the woods or hills here in my own state, I am gripped with feelings just shy of that. It's a response Ive had since my earliest recollections. My family was always taking off on a Sunday to picnic somewhere woodsy. Once I even told my family I wanted to live in the woods and asked what would I do there to which I replied "I would just dwell". They laughed uproariously which strangely didn't bother me.
The PBS special "National Parks" has outlined the political as well as the human side of the formation of our national parks and I appreciate knowing the work and effort put into protecting them and the reasons these awesome lands were chosen for preservation- "For the Benefit and Enjoyment of the People". It made me want to pack a bag right now and take off to see each and every one of the parks.
One of the men they profiled during the show was Horace Kephart who settled in the Appalachian mountains and wrote accounts of the people who inhabited the region. I hope to find some of his books to read because the excepts from his books that were read on the special made me feel like he had written exactly what was in my heart when I am in the woods.

Toodles.
Time to wake the chillen.

My Luck

2009-10-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

I had my eye on a very creative, musically-inclined, fairly handsome, whiskered gentleman. I found out tonight he won't be interested. Word is, he likes men.
*@#?!

Love Apple is the Drug

2009-09-18T06:33:00.000-05:00

Tomato season is far too short in Missouri.

2009-09-11T12:03:00.007-05:00

Last night I picked my Indian corn and stalks for shocks, pumpkins and gourds, butternut squash and okra. Im still getting a nice load of tomatoes and almost a half bushel of okra. The shot of the watermelons were from a couple weeks back but I too proud of them not to post the pic. They are old fashion varieties and I grew them to ripeness ON THE VINE. I have to say my sample of them made the sweat and chigger bites worth it. My stuff will be at the Apple Festival tonight at the orchard booth. Stop by and marvel. Then look me up and we'll have a beer...

2009-08-21T15:32:00.010-05:00

I am actually in a classroom setting this year instead of an old trailer with a desk in the corner. My co-worker Brenda, and I are set up as an at-risk room. So far, lots of business is coming our way.
The other photos are of the garden in back of the orchard. My sweet corn blew down during one storm but managed to stand back up. These shots were during July so the grass in between the rows had yet to take over. I won't show you the shots of August.

A Quickie

2009-08-20T08:14:00.003-05:00

Back at school. Killer schedule. No computer at home since financially I thought it best to replace the phone, dishwasher, guttering, buy food, pay bills, buy gas, buy school supplies, save for the inevitable washer (it sounds like a chain gang fighting in the laundry room when it runs and no, it's not repairable) - you get the picture. What we want in a computer will start at $800+ so I am holding off until I meet my sugar daddy or I win at the local casino.

Children are good.
Daughter is working at Hardees and now has a full load of classes as a Senior. Son is looking more like a 9th grader than an eighth grader.
My summer went way fast since I worked in the garden at the orchard. I have done on the producing but there was a lot of competition especially from the Amish so sales were soft.
Fall crops are going in so maybe Ill have something others won't offer.

Ill be around checking in on you all. Hope you are all fine.

2009-07-13T12:21:00.002-05:00

@^$&*#! I just got a call from my computer guy and after replacing the motherboard and starting it up, they have determined the hard drive is bad. OMG! Crap! Crap! Crap!.

Ugh. I am depressed.

Hello to you all out there. Im still around and Ill back when I can afford it.

2009-06-13T10:34:00.002-05:00

Im at my mom's this weekend for my dad's side family reunion. Its changed completely since the olden days when there was so much good homemade food, lively conversation, tiny babies and tons of cousins all wrapped up in a day at the city park I grew up playing in which was a lovely setting, btw. I looked at some photos from the seventies today and man, was there a lot of polyester!

Now it's KFC and Walmart cupcakes at a stuffy first cousin's house. I am rather picky about things, huh?

And all the original aunts and uncles of the Provance clan that started the reunion have passed except one aunt. 200 people easily were at the reunions and I couldn't remember half their names but there was always someone to play with or talk to and they knew me.

Now it's a whole new set of people I don't know and not many at that.

We are taking homemade meatballs, buttermilk fried chicken strips and fruit cocktail cake along with veg salad. I won't stray far from the table.

Next Wednesday E and I fly down to Orlando for the National Beta convention. E is competing in spelling. I can't wait to make it to the beaches near NASA. I rented a car and we will see how well I navigate. We stay at the Caribe Royale resort which looks scrumptious. The school is picking up the tab (except the alcohol, I suspect). Whoohoooooo!

Ill check in on my blogfolk asap. Until then, toodles.

2009-06-04T11:23:00.004-05:00

Im thinner, more shorn than before, having cut my hair all off in a pixie cut and I am rather relaxed these past few days since shool has let out. Working in the outdoor classroom every day before school was out in addition to working several hours in the truck garden took several layers of winter and spring fat off. While I was working out so much, I noticed my hair was looking more like a rat's nest and less like a head of hair so off it came. I like the results now although I was initially afraid to look too manish. No women have flirted with me so far so Ive got that going for me....
My daughter turned 17 Wednesday. What a slap of reality! Seventeen YEARS OLD! I remember coming in to R's office and closing the door to share the results of the "test" and realizing I was going to have a baby like it was yesterday. And when my former mother-in-law walked in to the hospital room after E was born and I told her it was a girl, she burst out crying and hugged me. It makes me weepy just to remember those wonderful moments. I was so scared and not too bright especially given less than adaquate sleep to manage a newborn baby all day by myself with no one around until R came home from work. I was a mess. But it was frightening.
So she has made it to 17 in spite of me being her mother and it may be alright from here on out. Time will tell. She is a gem.

Im still thinking about all of you and wondering what is going on with you just like we are friends. Hope things are okay. Ill be back around when I can and certainly after I get a working computer.

2009-05-21T08:31:00.003-05:00

Last day of school!-- hoorah! Words cannot express my joy. I need to make a trip to the liquor store...*hic*

No computer will be in use at my house for another few weeks on the inside. Got a lead on some work to do on it.

What a piece of news! The kid's dad invited me to his house for a Memorial Day bonfire/cookout along with several of our old and his current friends plus our children. Interesting....

I took on the job of starting the truck garden with the orchard guy. We have had so much rain earlier in the month we could get the plastic and irrigation laid. Last night we got it in and I planted 120 feet of tomatoes (lost count of how many) and 9 rows of sweet corn. The next few weeks I will be trying to get it all in plus my garden needs some stuff planted.
Im pretty excited since he is letting me treat it as my baby. He knows nothing about vegetable gardening. Could a person ask for more? All I have to do is try to make a profit.

I will look you all up when I have the chance at a computer. Til then, Toodles.

2009-05-16T21:02:00.002-05:00

My brother's son graduated high school this week and this afternoon we had an open house and this evening a bonfire complete with s'mores and hot dogs at my mother's house. It doesn't take much to make any of us happy. Ben was very pleased.

Only three and a half days of school left. It really seems like we were just at this point but it HAS been a year. I am so ready. Many women at school are becoming increasingly hard to stand. I detest two-faced, lying, lazy bitches. Oh, my- that as harsh.

One thing my coworker and I have been doing is taking each class for an hour and working on planting in and mulching the beds in the outdoor classroom with the native plants and trees. It is amazing how well-behaved even the most annoying child is when they are allowed to work on a project like this. Many try to outdo each other with lifting, toting, shoveling and instruction but I noticed them also having good conversation amongst them selves, talking in friendly tones and helping each other. Brenda and I sat back at one point and just listened and watched while they worked. It was inspiring.

Toodles until Monday.

2009-05-13T11:31:00.003-05:00

So my computer guy says my HP has a motherboard issue. Like it needs a new one and they can't be found. I may be naive and he is just yanking my chain but since he has nothing to gain from telling me that, I assume its true. I have another source that I can verify it by.
I am so gonna write a letter expressing my disgust with a four year old machine that is not even used every day having problems to this extent. I know, I know- they will not even read it but I am still writing it. I should have done my homework before I bought it.
So as it stands right now, I have no computer at home nor will I unless I find someone with a used one that wants to lend. I haven't checked with my peeps.
I have had some withdrawal symptoms associated with no home computer. My Facebook account is slightly overloaded with "stuff" too. No biggy though.
My mom had been visiting since Saturday and doing some lovely housework for me. It's nice to go home and have no laundry or supper to cook. AND- she primered my bathroom so now I can slap a coat of paint on it in no time. It's all taped off and everything. I will so be ready to have my bed back and a decent hour of retiring. She keeps late hours, that one and I like my sleep. I was glad she came because she got away from the worries she has everyday at home.
The storm we had last week- the inland hurricane they called it was exactly that. My trampoline was once more wrenched apart and bent perhaps for the last time( my brother manhandled it until it fit back together last time), my Red Spire ornamental pear was snapped off neatly at ground level- ~sob~ so no shade for the patio this summer, and my downspout guttering on the front of the house was blown off. Luckily, I had not roof damage as some of the surrounding houses did nor were my big trees downed like some were.

Lunch duty calls.

2009-05-06T11:19:00.002-05:00

Sandi, I messed up yours and Mathman's urls on my blog roll. I haven't left you out intentionally.
I'll get it fixed as soon as I get my computer back at home. 'Cause Lord knows I have zero time at school to mess around on the computer.
Hope all of you are good.
I still have yet to answer Anne's questions about trees. One might assume I was less knowledgeable about that stuff than Ive let on. *cough*

2009-05-02T11:39:00.000-05:00

Sorry about that, Iamnot.

2009-04-27T11:29:00.002-05:00

So much stuff last week at school and at home. Coming and goings of my offspring and myself.
Sorry Anne about forgetting about the recommendations for replacement trees. I think you are pretty much in my growing zone- 6. And for those dogwoods- they can receive sunlight but I think they like a bit of shade. I have a lot of favs, btw.
Working on putting together an at-risk classroom with my co-worker. She is actually doing the work of scheduling and set up but Ive worked and troubleshot with her and visited other schools with these classes in place so I have a hand in it. It's taken a while to get a handle on what we are after.
We have what we can have in place and the next move is to implement next year and change what works on paper but doesn't actually work in reality. I just wonder what I should really get paid when I start this. Common lament among teachers.
E went to prom Saturday night but since my computer decided to be finicky about something, I haven't been on to upload them. Wait until you get a load!
I spent the weekend making up a seed and plant order for the orchard guy's truck farm he's starting. I also turned my garden over, mowed the backyard (should have had J do that before he left for Dad's), transplanted tomato and pepper seedlings (don't know if I can get them big enough to use in my garden in time) black-eyed Susan and garlic chive volunteers from my beds, planted white pine and tulip poplar seedlings as a windbreak on the north side of my house, retrieved my daughter and 3 friends from an hour and a half away after their Saturday band contest so they wouldn't come slugging in at 3 pm and have 2 and 1/2 hours to get ready for prom (could you imagine only having 2 and 1/2 hours to get ready?!) but shopped for clothes before I picked them up, transplanted houseplants and moved them outside to live, cleaned and washed, cooked and baked for the week.
Good Gosh! I sound like ANNE!

2009-04-14T10:58:00.002-05:00

In between making the deviled eggs and the shrimp salad we took these.

Not a bad bunch.

2009-04-14T07:12:00.001-05:00

Very good songs on the mp3 to take a walk to-
Incubus- You Are Stellar
Jet- Cold Hard Bitch

2009-04-13T16:38:00.003-05:00

Anyone care to give tips and advice on vacation car rental options? Even though the school is paying, I would like to make an effort to spend wisely.

2009-04-10T06:32:00.001-05:00

Easter egg hunting time. Heading to my mom's for our get together.

Everyone enjoy your weekend.

2009-04-07T18:43:00.000-05:00

Oh, no. NataS has left the blogsphere. A sad day....

2009-04-05T09:42:00.003-05:00

'Gran Torino' - loved the movie. 'Taken'- what predictable story line and incredible crappy ending.

I helped with our first swim youth invitational at the Y yesterday. Lots of elementary and middle school kids I know competed. Their first year of competitive swimming and their first meet and they took second. Well done, Sharks!
I saw some one's double there yesterday. I did a double-take.

E took the ACT for the second time. We cut it close getting to the school conducting the test since we got behind a real slow-mo. Sliding in on two wheels, she got in and given directions -not accompanied- was shuffled to three different rooms in three different buildings finally to settle back into the first building where the instructions were already in progress. Nerve-racking but she managed to explain to her instructor the reason for her interruption and to apologize for being later than planned. It turned out ok in the end.

I washed the egg off my house from earlier in the week. I decided to just wash the whole front of the house while I was at it. The siding looks much better as well as the front porch. One down, three to go. Quite satisfying. I really am a menial job type of person and not corporate material, not that anyone was convinced otherwise..

I looked forward to strawberries and shortcake last night. The first flush of berries are here from California. If there was a dessert table offering the richest chocolates and a bowl of strawberries with shortcake, I would ALWAYS choose the strawberries and shortcake. I don't even need whipped cream.

Egads! I just remembered I need to do my state taxes! I have the form somewhere around here...

The girl's play was fun. "Altar Egos" was the play's name about the way families, brides and grooms and peripherals go nuts when it comes to planning a wedding. E played the Grandmother of the bride who comes in during the last ten minutes and sets everything right.
J cracked me up and made me equally uncomfortable by sitting next to his GF and holding hands- right in front of me and her parents! He did at least shake the mom and dad's hands when he met them without any prompting which made me feel good. So I had a talk about mine and his dad's expectations again- a representative of our family and all that jazz. It seemed to make him stop and think. Sigh- that boy tickles me and makes me nervous.

Where is Gnomeself Be True?

2009-04-02T19:34:00.003-05:00

Sandi- I can't get a comment box on your blog. Just know I am thinking about you and hope things smooth out soon. Lots of people are on your. Take care.

Stepping up my exercise regimen. Im trying to walk/run a half hour in the mornings and ride my bike or at least do some Pilates at my house in the evening mixed with plenty of weight reps although I only have 5 lb-ers right now. Mixing that with the exercise ball kind of makes me believe I am doing some good. My blankity-blank metabolism needs a boost. I just can't shake this tired, slow-witted point I am at.

Tomorrow night E is in the Drama department's play. She plays an old grandma and while she was developing the character according to the drama teacher's wishes, she adopted a pretty good northern accent to deliver her lines with, much like my mother's and all my Yankee relatives. It's funny and Im looking forward to seeing it.

Can you believe it?! We got egged last night apparently in the middle of the night since I never heard it happen. I raised my shades in the living room this morning and was met with a splattering of yolk and white with a shell fragment hanging on the sill outside. I did a double take and with investigation, we learned about five missile had been thrown. Yuck. Nobody at school opened their mouths so Im chalking it up to an April Fool's Day joke. I don't want to think about pissing someone off for anything else.

2009-03-30T19:36:00.001-05:00

Raise your hand if you wish you were on a crusie ship like Kimmyk? (both hands and both feet raised)

Hints From HeloGreeny

2009-03-29T08:29:00.004-05:00

Some helpful hints when shopping for clothes.

* take a portable battery operated fan so the sweltering dressing room will stay somewhat comfortable under the strain you are experiencing.
* When you are not having luck finding the clothes that fit "like a glove",
change dressing rooms with a new armload and it seems this improves one's luck.
*take a small mirror with you to check out the "back view". You don't want to ask a stranger to give you a report on it for you. That opens up a whole can of worms...
* Try on the largest size of the jeans and pants so you can save time not bothering with the smaller sizes if that pair works. However this may produce fits of anger if one expects the smaller size to have fit and one finds the larger size is needed instead. Conversely, if the smaller size fits- do a little dance.

Some other helpful hints for grocery shopping .

* It is so true- don't go down the Easter candy aisle if you are hungry. Remember the Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs?! Gah!
* Always insist on double bagged liquor and allow nothing else in the bag with it- such as a gallon of oj or your garage will smell like rum for days and the cat will act a little funny PLUS you can't open and enjoy the bottle of Mojito mixer you bought especially for Sunday.

2009-03-26T20:55:00.005-05:00

I have noticed lately I don't have the prowess behind the wheel I used to, expecially when it is raining. Tonight I drove home on a two-lane road in a rain and I really had a hard time even though I know the road. I suppose I need some glasses (sniff) and I will be applying Rain-X to the windshield of this new car since the wipers just glaze the window with the water instead of wiping it clean. Of course Ill put new wipers on, too.

We are expecting snow this weekend. #*!%&@ and GRRRRrrrh and all that kind of stuff! Possibly 6 inches. Heehee. Then it's back up to 60 on Monday.
Just like normal Missouri weather.

2009-03-24T10:28:00.002-05:00

The girl and I are going to be in Orlando, Florida June 18th through the 21st. Anyone gonna be down there then? Pencil us in, okay?

2009-03-23T20:06:00.001-05:00

My dishwasher just shot craps today.

2009-03-23T10:00:00.003-05:00

Break is now over. Im back at school. One more week before our MAP testing begins. I walk down the hallway and see teachers with sweating, looking alarmed or worse, taking a swig from their flasks stashed in their desks.

I traded for a car over the weekend. A bit newer model with many fewer thousands of miles on it. It is a rocket.

I bottled my pear wine over the break and omg, it's good!

Nothing much else to report. I am more boring this week than last week.

Spring Break Moments with Your Host, Greeny

2009-03-18T08:16:00.003-05:00

I sit here and consider my Internet relationships and find it an amazing oddity. Nothing that other people haven't thought about before me. People weaving in and out of relationships with thoughts and words. Sharing and caring, fighting and bickering, arguing and joking about everything and nothing. People come and go, arriving with hoopla or in silence, leaving perhaps in the same manner. Sometimes a very real bond is formed among several or a few. Most times there is just a pleasing sense of a circle of friendlies that demand nothing from each other but the joy of expression and an interesting topic. Plenty of support to be found. Plenty of empathy, sympathy and humor. All in all a wonderful thing.
I think of you all as part of my life, part of my daily (or almost daily) routine to check up and check in with you all. I follow you, with silence mostly but never without thought.

Ive lost a reader in the past few months that still bothers me but not to the point of distraction. When I'm reminded occasionally, I wonder why I was so invested. Thinking about how invested I was ONLINE is way freaky. I think I might need to guard against letting that happen again.

Have you ever been involved too heavily for your own good online?

One more thing: Have you heard the robins squawking up a storm? That, my friends, means SPRING!

2009-03-03T09:06:00.002-06:00

Ailing with a sucky cold. Head and chest. Blast that fifth grade teacher I sat across from and breathed in her noxious cold germs. Luckily I haven't contracted strep which she did have last week. It's still early yet however..

Son # 1 showed me his grade slips for the last few weeks this morning during breakfast and low and behold- he is missing assignments. And the Creme de la Creme? A book report he has due tomorrow that should contain half a page paragraph summary on each page of the story. He has not one iota of the thing written. I think I scared him more sitting there quietly looking down than if I had ranted and raved like I ususally do. All I told him was to make a plan and get it done along with the missing work. He is so grounded.

Oh! for a cough syrup laced with Codeine.

2009-02-25T11:31:00.003-06:00

Things are heating up with respect to spring testing. Teachers, students and parents are all about to spontaneously combust. If there was one thing I would do to make a difference in the situation, it would be to convey to parents that school no longer resembles what we as students remember. It is excellerated by several years ( 5th graders now are doing what I did in 8th grade), the organization a student has to possess is unbelievable, and the need for parents to help their struggling child at home is massive. I would not believe it if I were not in the school system myself, witnessing it every day nor would I believe teachers are doing everything possible to remedy each student's problems. I watch them, talk to them and see first hand the student's work. There is so much I'm overwhelmed and I don' even have a classroom. It is an ungodly job. I just think many parents- not all- don't realize teachers in general try everything in the book to reach a child with the concepts expected.
We have another month before we begin testing. Spring break is coming soon however. TGFSB!

E is performing tonight in a Winter Drumline extravaganza. Okay, maybe not an extravaganza. She has been staying for 2-hour practices twice a week on top of pep band, horn lessons and a ton of Trig homework. I am loving the extra curricular activities the band teacher has come up with this year to really stretch the learning for those that are interested. It has pressed E for time but I tend to be overly protective of the kid's free time. She will have to get used to less sleep if she plans on going to college.
She and Slim took a break from each other but they keep seeing each other and talking every night. I enjoy the fact I don't have to wonder what they are up to all the time but I sure miss the kid.
J is plugging along with school and trying to rein in his hormones. He is every bit his 13 years in growth and boy- groadiness. I am trying to impress upon him the neccessity of being a bit more reserved and clean in his appearance.
It's science fair time and I can't wait to see what he chooses to go with for a project. Im pushing for a solar oven but he isn't too keen on that idea.

2009-02-15T18:56:00.005-06:00

24 hours to myself spent

in search of the elusive dollar for the music department
Seal in Concert (damn, he's good)
some Lloyd Dobler (never enough)
extra sleep
Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood
Big Smith
emergence of thoughts and ideas floating to the surface unimpeded
screwdrivers in the sunshine
mango salsa and tortilla chips
beer
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
reintroduction of offspring into abode

I might be healed...for awhile

It's All I Have

2009-02-11T13:55:00.002-06:00

Why did Beethoven get mad at his chicken?

Because it kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach".

2009-02-05T07:11:00.001-06:00

"your liver pays dearly for youthful magic moments,
but rocks on completely with some brand new components"-
-Cake

2009-02-02T13:10:00.002-06:00

All things are getting a close inspection today- my automobile and myself, neither of which is a picnic.
The automotive side of things does not look good. From a reliable source, the old ( and I use that term precisely) Intrepid is losing water and oil, the water being from a failing water pump and the oil from what they call "blowby" which does not refer to the speed with which I pass people but the worn out rings of the pistons allowing oil to vent out or some such nonsense as that. Unless there is intervention from above, I will be purchasing a new(er) vehicle. The water pump is a breeze but the oil prob- not so much.
Children are their charming selves. Did you detect any sarcasm there?
After a week off from school and I am saying it was a complete week OFF, there was much bellyaching at least from the boy. The girl has a mean cold and lost sleep last night. I bought a couple of cold aids today as well as Whiskey so maybe...Getting back into the work week will take a while but the sooner we get to it the sooner May will roll around.
My family in southeast Missouri is without power still but doing fine since my brother scrambled around and found generators for all of them. He truly is built handling catastrophes. It looks like a war zone over there. There are weekends of sawing and chipping coming up unfortunately made up of my mothers and brothers trees specifically those wonderful pecan trees, her apple, apricot and pear trees as well.
I took this week to clean my bedroom from top to bottom and to finish my plastering job on the walls of my bathroom. It is really easy and fun to plaster with drywall mud. I didn't even buy any special tools to use. Considering how pockmarked my walls are from wallpaper removal, I plan to plaster throughout the house.

2009-01-26T06:09:00.001-06:00

Crap! Even my hot flashes are lethargic.

2009-01-22T11:34:00.000-06:00

Missing Iamnot's blog.

That is all.

2009-01-16T21:06:00.001-06:00

Quiet, quiet, quiet.
The kids are gone. I leave for my mom's tomorrow at blur thirty.
Just a visit.
I'll look you all up when I'm back.

2009-01-15T10:29:00.001-06:00

All that is new is the temp. 6 degrees at the moment. Thank god for Cuddle Duds.

2009-01-12T11:16:00.003-06:00

Love is the ability to hold open the space in which something or someone is allowed to change.

Do you agree? This is a very powerful way of stating it. I just came across it in an article at http://www.wellfedneighbor.com/.

I spent a nice slow weekend with my kids. J was trying to finally get World of Warcraft downloaded on our apparently inept machine (surely it's the machine,not us) and E was piddling around in her room reorganizing and cleaning- good girl.

Three words- income tax season. By gosh, Im ready for it though! And with the refund I might buy a plane ticket to ...wait for it, wait for it...Maryland?

My car is running all right but needs some spiffing up in the ...everywhere. Radiator flush, transmission system flush, new struts and probably new shocks which in turn means an alignment. Tons of little stuff like replacement courtesy bulbs in the back seat and a good detailing.
Of course this isnt the month to do all that really for obvious reasons. However, being it's my only ride, it will be done. My mother chided me and told me to get it all done - in fact I should just let her help me buy a car and let her pay for it and then started talking trash about subtracting it off her estate when she is gone! I am not down with that convo for a lot of reasons. Makes me a lot uneasy.

Toodles

2009-01-07T06:30:00.002-06:00

The four agreements with ones self-
-be impeccable with your word
-dont take anything personally
-always do your best-
-don't make assumptions

can it change your life to try to keep these agreements with yourself?

2009-01-05T11:24:00.002-06:00

My computer went on the fritz on Thursday so I spent some time offline. Luckily it was only a plugged up fan that was the cause and not malware or a virus. I have to start cleaning more often on the inside of it with the canned air. I do know one thing. I will be changing my Windows password from BareNaked Ladies to ...something less leacherous.
Hope everyone had a successful holiday and haven't overloaded yourselves down with resolutions. I only have some ideas, not real resolutions.

Lets Get This Party Started

2008-12-31T17:43:00.002-06:00

Come on in.
Actually, I am not feeling overtly party-ish since my tulle skirt is at the cleaners but we can chat and share any ideas you have for the incoming year, the outgoing year, any intentions otherwise known as resolutions and just plain old idle gossip. What say ye?!
Oh, by the bye- I have fresh spicy cranberry salsa poured over cream cheese with my fav Wheat Thins and Misson tortillas plus I have made a vat of Mimosas big enuff to swim in. Help yourselves and find a comfy place to light.
On the changer, some Black Eyed Peas, Counting Crows, BareNaked Ladies, All-American Rejects, Billy Idol, Green Day, Mary J. Blige, Marvin Gaye, Al Green pre-religion. Bring your stuff along.

2008-12-30T15:37:00.002-06:00

The world is noisy and distracting. The same of people. I am ready to concentrate on slowing down, tuning out the noise and tuning into the very basic things. I am ready to start quietly listening to my heart and follow the omens out there.

Shoes and Shirt Required

2008-12-30T07:46:00.004-06:00

A little get together tomorrow night. Come on by and visit.

2008-12-23T06:41:00.003-06:00

Working, working, working on all the little items and big items I've manufactured in my little elf workshop. My ears are getting a little pointy. I have a ton of things to do today before the kids come back from their dad's not the least of which is to head back into town to pick up those last things I couldn't get into the store door to get on Saturday. Since today is a regular workday for many, I "figure" I can get into town early and out before 10 am. We will see.
I've scratched off many jobs from my list- those chocolate covered cherries, the decoupaged trays, the rest of the ninja magnets, the catnip toys sewn with my homegrown catnip inside, eating, showering...I read on Facebook that my siblings and their offspring are in the same boat. At least last night I went to bed at a reasonable hour. Apparently they need no sleep considering the time their last entry was made.

I'll be packing the car and children and setting off over the river and through the woods to Grandmother's house tomorrow. I'll be back next week and perhaps hosting a New Year's Eve blog party. I would love to see you come by for a drink and a dance. Yes, there will be dancing.
In the mean time, enjoy yourselves fully and have a beautiful Christmas Day.
Cheers!

2008-12-20T08:23:00.003-06:00

The last push at shopping. I have only got 4 or 5 places I need to go. Unfortunately, one of them is the mall.

Thank goodness for St. John's wort.

2008-12-17T06:26:00.003-06:00

No school again today. We were out on Monday, tried but failed to stay any later than 11:30 yesterday because if glazing and today since it's iffy how much freezing drizzle we will get, school is called again.

My computer needs to go in the shop -TODAY! Overload on the one fan working from J's daily Fate onslaught has managed to wear it down. It also has some problem downloading Microsoft and HP auto updates which are piling up. No, I never invested in "Computers for Dummies".

I walked down to the post office yesterday to mail some packages and found myself $.60 short. The postmaster was cool and fronted me the shortage which he has been known to do. It does pay to live in a small town, you know?

I made some funny little magnets for Jack's locker from some magazine clipped ninjas. Do you know how easy it is to make personalized magnets?! And are ninjas as popular at your house as they are at mine?
I covered the top of a york mint tin with paper and Mod Podged it and then put the magnets inside to protect them. I'll just wrap up the tin.
We were all crafting yesterday after we got out of school. E is personalizing some tees for her close friends with fabric paint- maybe some pics later. I was working on some pen and inks and said magnets ( J is oblivious to whats going on in the same room) but as all my stuff was laying around J picked up some wire and started working on ideas for E and me. He worked on it while I averted my eyes. I have an idea of what mine looks like since he showed me E's when he finished it.

The winter moon has been shining into the window at the head of my bed. I've been dreaming strange dreams and waking up to find myself bathed in bright moon glow. It's kinda cool.

2008-12-13T06:57:00.003-06:00

E takes the ACT test today for the first time. The highest score of 31 can get a Bright Flight scholarship of $2000 a year from the state. That would be alright, I'm thinking.

J is gone to a sleepover at a friend's and not back until noonish. Could that mean?!..Is it possible?! ..YES! I am alone! OMG! I am going to start right in on my projects. As soon as I drink another round of java.

Bought our Christmas tree last night from the local grocery store. Poor things, having been cut last June are shedding and looking thirsty. I was going to head to the closest tree farm 25 miles away and cut a fresh one but the hail storm this summer took out their crop. Anyway, I sawed off the bottom 4 inches of this one and stuck it on a nice warm bucket of water in the garage last night. Oh, my, the garage smells nice. Guess we will put up the tree tonight and a bit of other decorations. It's a delight to smell the scent of fir the first moments of lucidity in the morning. I almost forget I'm the age I am and I am transported back to my childhood.

Crap! I was just reminded my daughter has a watch (she never wears) and I just bought her one for Christmas. Good Grief! She had it on for the test or I wouldn't have remembered she had one. Guess I have a new watch. And I do need one.

One more week of school and we are out until January 5th. There is some nasty looking weather coming in this week looking to last the entire week as well. I really want to get this week in before we leave for break so I'm crossing my fingers. I sure hope things up north improve for those folks. It looks a lot like our ice storm from '07.

I have some interesting visitors. Some from far away such as Portugal and some from as close as Springfield Missouri. Don't you always wonder who might be lurking and what their stories are? Welcome anyhow.

Ms. R's Rule of School

2008-12-11T06:27:00.003-06:00

No matter what they might be doing- picking their nose, poking another kid, singing a song- a Kindergartner will immediately stop and join in the second you start counting.

2008-12-08T06:05:00.003-06:00

In case you were unaware...It's hard to find anything not made in China besides food and I'm not altogether sure about that in some instances.

2008-12-02T16:59:00.004-06:00

Uh-huh..I know about this kind of thing.